Growing up is not easy.
Growing up means paying the bills, running a home, heartbreaks, seeing the doctor once a year to discover you have an illness you thought only ‘old’ people have, worrying about money, worrying about retirement, dating, wondering if and when you will have babies, suddenly thinking about your parents, their health, your health, a job that doesn’t satisfy you but keeps you in the rut, a broken washing machine, baskets full of laundry, the hangover you cant bear anymore, books you don’t have time to read, a gym membership you never use, the realization that instant noodles does not qualify as food.
Yes, growing up is not easy.
I woke up today wishing for a time machine to take me back to a time when I wasn’t grown up.
I was fearless with infinite amounts of zest. I believed and I dreamt.
Does this happen to all of us?
Does growing up, instead of expanding our ability to take on the world actually contract us into a fearful shell? And coloring outside the lines becomes frowned upon.
Remember a time when we could love without the presumption and preemption of getting hurt?
When opinions didn’t matter and we knew we would survive no matter what.
When we could love without lines and boxes and counting our words.
Remember a time when we dreamt. Real dreams.
When we had the ability to look at life straight in the face with starry eyes and a belief that it had everything we wanted waiting for us at the next turn.
When we didn’t doubt.
Remember when we knew what we needed to do. What we wanted out of life. It wasn’t the corner desk in a dull office. It was an undying passion for life; it was a need to keep learning, to grow and to be happy.
When nothing pulled us down.
The mirror and my recently purchased (note: extremely expensive) anti ageing cream on the dresser brings me back to reality. I have grown up.
There is no time machine.
There is no going back.
But there is now.
Maybe, just maybe its not too late to bring back some of what was lost. A tiny bit of that person I was.
Hopefully then, tomorrow wont be that bad!