Through the looking glass ... From the Kaleidoscope

Through the looking glass ... From the Kaleidoscope

On Patterns

As human beings we love patterns. We like lines, symmetry. Ants following each other in a line, supermarket aisles neatly arranged with hundreds of products kept in orderly rows, paintings hung in straight lines. We yearn for similarity and evenness. Disruption and disorder scares us. We never stop to think what would happen if ants didn’t move in a line or if the sun didn’t rise one day. The mere thought troubles us.

We are trained and conditioned to follow patterns.

When Ivan Pavlov performed the experiments for classical conditioning he formed the basic law of human behavior – we get so used to patterns that we respond to unconditioned stimulus.

A few days ago someone asked me what kind of people I liked being friends with. This person believed that there had to be some kind of similarity amongst the people I have known. The best at that point I could come up with was – people who don’t snore.

But I got thinking, was there a pattern, a similarity in the people we attract into our lives?

Do we time and time again run into the same kind of people, the same situations? Like a never ending merry go round.

The thing with patterns is that good or bad, they become so comforting and familiar that we try and stick to them.

Are we all one of Pavlov’s dogs?

On Change

Disruption is the law of nature – Disruption alters simplicity into extraordinary.

Everyday there is a chance to disrupt the way we live, the way we behave. Everyday there is a chance to disrupt a pattern, to alter a way of life.

Try sitting on a different seat in the bus, taking another route to work, try a different dressing in your salad. – The world looks different from another angle, the world tastes different.
Take the leap of faith at times, risk to try something new – meet people who are just not like you, different in belief and being. 

For once, try walking in the sun.

Changing Pavlov’s theory, twisting and turning the kaleidoscope.

On Books, Movies, Self Discovery, Lists & A Little About Life

It’s one of days when nothing comes to your brain at work. You just wish you could be back home, cozy up in a blanket, make some coffee and watch a movie. It also happens to be a Tuesday and it’s been ages since I posted an idle Tuesday afternoon post therefore a day like this deserves a rambling of mundane crap.


I woke up today morning wanting two things. A blueberry muffin and a hug. Is that too much to ask for? Blueberry muffins make me happy and hugs tell me that there is some form of human interaction in terms of unconditional love still existing in the world.

I got a lot of virtual hugs after posting this on my FB status and I could almost feel the energies pass through some cosmic internet way straight to me. Unconditional love has that effect.

Still waiting to have the blueberry muffin though. Nothing like the muffins from The Bagel Shop, my quaint little hide out at Pali Hill, Bandra. Dubai has a few options though – Barista sucks, Starbucks is ok and what has come closest to my palate is Costa. I miss the quaint hangouts though, we have so many of them in India that give you the feeling of sitting in an European village roadside and just being there takes half your troubles away. Dubai on the other hand has everything but well, mostly on the surface.

While I wait for the muffin and an actual hug I have some more to ramble about -

I am currently reading ten books. I start them and then I lose patience (and that has never happened to me) so I go back to reading something else. I guess it’s a sign of restlessness, what I have come to now finally sit back and re-read since the past two days is Eat, Pray, Love. It is one of my favorite books, just re-reading it is making me fall in love with myself all over again. The thing about fiction and non – fiction is that you can read and re-read nonfiction a million times. Very few fiction books have left that impact on me – The Kite Runner, The Namesake, Little Women, One Hundred Years of Solitude and The Prophet are a few that I can read anytime.

What Eat Pray Love does to me is be a mirror. When I read it for the first time I loved the beauty of Elizabeth Gilberts writing and the beauty of her life. But this time I identify. Each page mirrors me and I ask myself the same questions she asks herself in the book. That my friend is the power of a good book and makes life worthwhile. To experience just that simple pleasure of sharing it with someone you have never met but knows exactly what to tell you and when to tell you.

Movies do the same thing. I love the way cinema on one level reflects the social scenario of current times and on another level takes you into a fantasy that someone else creates just for you. These days I am off serious cinema, I rather watch stupid romantic comedies all day long than think hard after I watch a movie. Cinema does these wonderful things to my brain I just can revel in all day. I could write a whole post on my understanding of the evolvement of cinema through our social times but that we will leave for another time.

So now that I have a TV, I struggle to distribute my time between reading, movies and cultivating a passion for cooking. Cooking has never been my forte which is strange considering I come from a family of chefs. But maybe that’s the thing, I never bothered to cook and learn cooking. However I also believe that cooking for oneself can be a boring deed. The pleasure in a thing like cooking is sharing; you enjoy when you do it for people and share the passion that goes into it.

These days, I feel like the woman who goes to work comes home switches on the television, cooks a 5 minute meal, checks her mail and goes to sleep. There are days when I wake up with immense gratitude for everything and then there are days when disillusionment haunts me. It’s all a part of the game and coming in terms with yourself. I love the way Elizabeth Gilbert puts it – “Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend."

I think we often forget to be our own friend, to be our own shoulder to lean on and our own person to laugh with. We get so busy being the friend to everyone else that we miss out on what we need. It is only when after sometimes a lot of pain and heartaches later you have no one to turn to you remember that you don’t really need to turn to anyone, you just need to look inside and sitting inside of you if something that will carry you through everything life will bring along.

And while I revive my friendship with that person inside me, it hits me that in the next 5 months I will enter the 30th year of my life. I don’t feel this old but somehow age has a way on catching up with you right when you don’t see it. My knees feel weaker and my skin feels parched but most importantly I am reminded of the to – do before 30 list I had written sometime back. I am therefore revisiting the list and making a deadline for myself to finish the things I want to do before I complete thirty which leaves me with a year and a half to be precise.

THE LIST (AS ON NOVEMBER 14TH 2008) – with status

1. Visit Greece .. stay there for sometime (hope this is counted as one!) – Pending

2. Sky Dive – Pending

3. Learn to dance (I am the self confessed worst dancer ever, someday I shall learn!) – Pending

4. Relive a day at Symbiosis college once again :) – Cutting it out as its impossible

5. Be home with Mom, dad and Anubhav and do NOTHING for a day – Done

6. Taste every possible cuisine I can – Ongoing

7. Get a tattoo (hopefully this should be happening very soon) – Done

8. Play the violin – Pending

9. Experience motherhood – Pending 

THE LIST (AS ON SEPTEMBER 14TH 2010) – 18 things for 18 months

1. Visit Greece

2. Sky Dive

3. Learn to dance

4. Taste every possible cuisine I can – I am adding different kinds of meat to this

5. Play the violin

6. Paint a wall

7. Make the perfect Sangria

8. Read all of Charles Bukowski and Ernest Hemingway

9. Write the first 2 chapters of the book I will eventually write

10. Visit Leh

11. Learn to drive (confidently)

12. Get the belly button pierced (finally after 3 failed attempts)

13. Finish Reiki 3A

14. Get an Aura reading done – then learn how to do it

15. Re-start my work with make a wish foundation

16. Buy a property

17. Visit Florence

18. Go for a wine tasting and Learn about my wines

As I embark on the journey, she rightly puts it -
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

A day to live and a day to learn while I hope tomorrow brings sunshine.

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I had the strangest day today. There are some days when you wake up and you know something will not be right today. These are the days when you should keep quiet. These are the days when you should listen to that voice warning you. But exactly on these days, you refuse to listen to that screaming voice inside of you.

I learned a few things in the past few days – about myself, people and life through myself, people and well, life. 

• I have learned that if you lose a friend, that person was never really your friend to begin with. It is sad and it hurts but it’s true. Friendship doesn’t come with terms and conditions; people don’t come with terms and conditions. It is all a game of expecting and accepting. 

• I have learned that relationships have their troubled times. We stop being what we are initially to the people we love. We become comfortable and say things that we should not say. It is at that point that we have a choice to either evolve with the relationship or fight. 

• I have learned that I don’t have the energy to fight anymore. We are so starved for love that we fight for love itself. Maybe that’s the reason even countries fight. 

• I have learned that as we get comfortable in things, places and with people we also start to ask for more. We start to treat those things, the places and those people as home. We take them for granted.

• I have learned that there is no time slab, price tag or an expiry date on some relationships. Sometimes, they just fade. 

• I have learned that we can’t accept the fading away. It’s a fear we carry around us all the time. 

• I have learned that letting go is a process. It takes time. We feel it’s the hardest thing we have to do. But truth is, we have to let go, we have to walk ahead and we have to move on.

• I have learned that with love comes insecurity. To evolve and conquer it is an ongoing process. It is also the same process that either brings two people closer or makes them fall apart. 

• I have learned that I have to wait for love to come to me. The kind of love that has its ups and downs, arguments and insecurities but all of it stems from passion and immense emotion. A love that each day learns the good and bad about me as I learn about him and together we grow to make him and I – Us.

While I was busy finding myself - an ode to all the single women out there

This one's for all the single, almost thirty women out there. Though the post is in first person, it speaks for everyone. Happy reading!

And there it is in front of me, staring at me yet again in big bold letters, the question I no longer have an answer to.

I have given up now on counting the number of times I am asked this question – “so how come YOU (read emphasis on YOU) aren’t married yet?” I politely reply, “well, hmmm... I don’t know!”  Then pops up the next one, “How come you didn’t find anyone, there are so many nice boys around!”  

Something inside me wants to shake the person asking me the question, rattle their heads and open their eyes wide by maybe sticking my fingers into them and politely request them to shut the fuck up.

For starters, if I had found someone, I would be married. Secondly, just because I didn’t doesn’t mean I’m desperate, so – you don’t need to be kind enough to hook me up with someone. When I was twenty no one wanted to hook me up with anyone, and well Sherlock, that’s when I wanted to be ‘hooked up’. On the downhill ride to fast approaching thirty, I don’t want to be  ‘hooked up’ by all you generous people. I might be enjoying my life  - (or is it so hard to believe) ...(with occasional bouts of loneliness - but then who said married couples aren’t lonely as well) so, why is it that hard to imagine that it is ok to be single? Or that single women don’t have a life!

When I am asked this question now, I have no answer. I simply smile and wonder about the weather and humidity and how flat my hair becomes because of it and that maybe I should colour my hair, I always wanted to colour a strand blue so maybe I should  just do it. All this while there is on the other end a rant going on about – “so tell me your story, you didn’t even find ONE boy in all these years?” (Read underline – ‘but she’s not that bad looking hmmm, poor thing, must be expecting too much hmmm, women today...  hmmmm..)

To all those very concerned people out there, to those who would like to know the story...

I did.

I found, I loved, I lost, I found again, I loved again and I lost again. ... and again....

I found out what I wanted and what I didn’t; yes it took some time and well, some people... but what I wanted at twenty was just not what I wanted at twenty two, certainly not what I thought I wanted at twenty five and just not what I need at twenty eight.

My road to discovery has not been about another person but about myself. Others have just played characters in realisation of the bigger plot but I have been and continue to be the hero of my story.

I have not needed a man to tell me how I should change a light bulb or how I need to fix the leakage in the bathroom, these are things I have figured in my own sweet time, on my own.

I have not needed a man to take decisions for me, the ones that altered my life – when and how I should change my career path, which city I would like to live in..

I have been hurt, I have broken my heart and I have cried nights, simply to realize after a couple of weeks that I do heal, my heart repairs itself and time sorts out everything. And I don’t need a man to sort it out for me.

I am fiercely independent and I might sound like a stuck up bitch but it just isn’t so...

When I meet someone who is fiercely comfortable with me being a stuck up bitch, I will love him till eternity.

I will be the girl who loves lilies and walks in the rain, who plans surprises and loves them as well. I will be the girl who will want her man to sweat it out, fix the furniture and find the directions. I will be the girl who will be very strong inside but will just want that shoulder to lean on, just because it feels so good.

I will be that girl, when I find the boy who doesn’t ‘need’ me be one.

And until then, stop asking me, “how come I didn’t find anyone”?  

Because darling, I have been just been busy finding myself!

Tusday musings - Drugged, random thoughs

In office on an idle Tuesday afternoon awaiting changes in layouts with a strong anti allergic in your blood, what do you do????

You pen down random, random, totally and utterly random thoughts….

Read on….

* I have the worst cold ever; all I can think of is hot chicken sweet corn soup. The kind in which lots of corn flour has been added and the egg looks like puke so you need to put lots and lots of soy sauce till the soup becomes black. Yes, that’s exactly what I am craving for.

*I am reading the Lost Symbol since a week and I can’t believe I have carried on a Dan Brown book for so long. It’s not a patch on The Da Vinci Code. He keeps repeating himself and goes on tangents that have no connection with the actual plot.Robert Langdon is weak. The sheer brilliance of him in the earlier books is gone. I think it’s the Tom Hanks effect; he was so lost in the film adaptations of The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons that his lose acting skills have rubbed off on the character here.

*I absolutely love the new Limca jingle.(can’t help much as it plays on everyone’s computers all day) Not very fond of the ad though. The first one was a master piece. The playfulness and twang (my word for a naughty/emotional/playful blend) of the Sushma Reddy one lacks here but the music as usual sticks.

*I have 340 friends on facebook and I talk to none. It’s a pity, social networking is supposed to bring you closer but I don’t see that happening.
I love checking out my news feed – status, pictures and links. I don’t remember the last time anyone wrote on my wall or I did on theirs.
Pity, sigh. : (

*I highly recommend watching Inglorious Basterds. Tarintino just gets better and better with every film he makes.
Call me a sadist but I love the way in which he displays blood. There is always such ruthless, raw elegance in each frame where anything to do with murder and blood is concerned.
Simply beautiful.

*I am trying very hard to rise up and forgive the inglorious bastards I know but it is not happening.
How long does this process take?
The one that involves – mistrust, betrayal, hurt, anger, damage – anger, anger, anger, pain, hurt, pain – letting go, forgetting, moving on…..
I am still on stage one and the spiritual pep talks are not helping.

*Spiritual pep talks remind me of Deepak Chopra on twitter. The man can talk. He tweets every second. My twitter page is full of his tweets.
Honestly, I fail to understand most of them because he blabbers too much.

*I am very touched by some sweet messages about the blog. (esp. Z and J) I am glad to bring a change and provoke thoughts which have been whiling away in your heads. But People please comment on the blog – don’t mail me/ sms me or comment on gtalk.
Some of the small pleasures in my life include reading the comments on the blog page     ( :- D )


*The air is changing and I love this city during these months. I must admit though that I am over this place now and the time has come to move on but the weather is making it so much more bearable.

The avil effect is kicking in and I’m high. : )

Its time to check some layouts and go home to my bed and pillow and sleeeeeeeeeep just to later wake up to hot, steaming soup.

Aaaaah, the very simple pleasures of being ill. : )

So until more random thoughts,

Sniff, sniff, cough, cough !!!

Cheers!