Tuesday, June 8, 2010

While I was busy finding myself - an ode to all the single women out there

This one's for all the single, almost thirty women out there. Though the post is in first person, it speaks for everyone. Happy reading!


And there it is in front of me, staring at me yet again in big bold letters, the question I no longer have an answer to.
I have given up now on counting the number of times I am asked this question – “so how come YOU (read emphasis on YOU) aren’t married yet?” I politely reply, “well, hmmm... I don’t know!”  Then pops up the next one, “How come you didn’t find anyone, there are so many nice boys around!”  
Something inside me wants to shake the person asking me the question, rattle their heads and open their eyes wide by maybe sticking my fingers into them and politely request them to shut the fuck up.
For starters, if I had found someone, I would be married. Secondly, just because I didn’t doesn’t mean I’m desperate, so – you don’t need to be kind enough to hook me up with someone. When I was twenty no one wanted to hook me up with anyone, and well Sherlock, that’s when I wanted to be ‘hooked up’. On the downhill ride to fast approaching thirty, I don’t want to be  ‘hooked up’ by all you generous people. I might be enjoying my life  - (or is it so hard to believe) ...(with occasional bouts of loneliness - but then who said married couples aren’t lonely as well) so, why is it that hard to imagine that it is ok to be single? Or that single women don’t have a life!
When I am asked this question now, I have no answer. I simply smile and wonder about the weather and humidity and how flat my hair becomes because of it and that maybe I should colour my hair, I always wanted to colour a strand blue so maybe I should  just do it. All this while there is on the other end a rant going on about – “so tell me your story, you didn’t even find ONE boy in all these years?” (Read underline – ‘but she’s not that bad looking hmmm, poor thing, must be expecting too much hmmm, women today...  hmmmm..)
To all those very concerned people out there, to those who would like to know the story...
I did.
I found, I loved, I lost, I found again, I loved again and I lost again. ... and again....
I found out what I wanted and what I didn’t; yes it took some time and well, some people... but what I wanted at twenty was just not what I wanted at twenty two, certainly not what I thought I wanted at twenty five and just not what I need at twenty eight.
My road to discovery has not been about another person but about myself. Others have just played characters in realisation of the bigger plot but I have been and continue to be the hero of my story.
I have not needed a man to tell me how I should change a light bulb or how I need to fix the leakage in the bathroom, these are things I have figured in my own sweet time, on my own.
I have not needed a man to take decisions for me, the ones that altered my life – when and how I should change my career path, which city I would like to live in..
I have been hurt, I have broken my heart and I have cried nights, simply to realize after a couple of weeks that I do heal, my heart repairs itself and time sorts out everything. And I don’t need a man to sort it out for me.
I am fiercely independent and I might sound like a stuck up bitch but it just isn’t so...
When I meet someone who is fiercely comfortable with me being a stuck up bitch, I will love him till eternity.
I will be the girl who loves lilies and walks in the rain, who plans surprises and loves them as well. I will be the girl who will want her man to sweat it out, fix the furniture and find the directions. I will be the girl who will be very strong inside but will just want that shoulder to lean on, just because it feels so good.
I will be that girl, when I find the boy who doesn’t ‘need’ me be one.
And until then, stop asking me, “how come I didn’t find anyone”?  
Because darling, I have been just been busy finding myself!

13 comments:

Kiran said...

very, very nice...and strong and just you...as usual your writing amazes me...start writing professionally asap....love u..

khushboo said...

aanchal, i love the way you write. and yes im glad you are discovering yourself, cos I did learn it late in life, after all, what matters is yourself and that there is no conflict of the mind and the heart :) love u lots. big hug.

Aarti said...

I couldn't agree more Aanch. Only recently I was pondering over this issue and realised that my life is pretty complete at the moment and doesn't quite need a husband/boyfriend to fill any void. Yes someday I do hope to be married and have children, but right now I am in a very secure, confident and comfortable place in life. Right now, I am busy trying to find my own identity and define and understand myself. We have our families, amazing friends and good careers ahead of us, so honestly the 'need' for a man isnt there. Yes its nice to have a companion, someone to give you a warm hug when you need some support and all that jazz, but its nothing that cant wait. Like I always say- I'd rather wait to get something thats worth it than just settle for whatever comes my way out of desperation.
There's no point in getting into a relationship just for the sake of it and then complaining about issues or breaking up which only causes unbelievable pain and dents our ability to trust and love again.
So, all in all, just want to say that the right person will come along when he has to, and until then we're just going to continue to explore and define ourselves in new ways every day.

Aanchal said...

thanks guys .. thanks mum and khuba .. ure strong and a big hug to u :)
aarti ... wow.. that is almost like a blog and what can i say i guess last year (including u khuba ) we have seen ourselves go through so many testing times in all ways and arenas in life and change has come into our lives now...
and in the end its you who walks thru the fire and u walk alone .. wat matters is (in the words of my beloved mr. buwoski) is how well you walk thru that fire....

Nikhil Tuli said...

Reminds me lines by a very famous French author Julien Green...

"The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart."

As always I feel really good reading your posts...I always try the part of realization, also associate some TODO action items with tiny little findings...but eventually swoosh! all goes down the drain...forgotten in the struggle to be a reflection of the society around me.

And one thing... "but she’s not that bad looking hmmm, poor thing, must be expecting too much hmmm, women today... hmmmm"

lol :)

Cheers...
Nikhil...

Komal-Nishka said...

Aanch, so when are You getting married?!?!? Remember you're turning 30 in a very short space of time..

hahahaha.. what a bitch I am.. kidding heart.. you know what I've learnt is that people will always have a question to ask - in my case - even though I am married - it's the first kid, then the second kid, then their marriage blah blah blah.. we just have to learn to let go.

Brilliiaant post

Aanchal said...

@ nikhil - always love your comments on the posts, always very insightful :)

@komal.... seriously when a kid? i wanna be an aunt... :P

Komal-Nishka said...

how about when you find your better half which should be soonish right :P ;D

Aanchal said...

well.... after this post i dont know komal.. im sure i have driven many away .. LOL

Sangram said...

I'll tell you one thing about living alone for a long time - and trust me, I've done it a lot longer than you have - I've been living away from home since I was six.

It makes you so self-centered that over a period of time, you actually forget how to adjust to other people. Unfortunately, by the time you realise it those other people are either gone or totally peeved and the relationship is beyond repair (and I don't just mean romantic relationships).

True friends are the ones who remain friends even when one becomes a total write-off to most other people. It took me a while to realise that and begin my journey back. Not towards self-discovery, but towards acceptance.

Good luck, and may your dreams come true! :)

Sangram said...

I think I posted the previous comment in the wrong blog entry - Please move it to the right place Aanchal, thanks!

srishti mongia said...

Lovely! I started reading ur blog now. have read just a few articles..u write beautifully :)

srishti mongia said...

Lovely! I started reading ur blog now. have read just a few articles..u write beautifully :)

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