Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Time To Throw Away The Yo Yo

Call me ignorant or lazy but sometimes I fail or simply refuse to see an issue hanging right in front of me. The issue goes up and down like a yo-yo and I simply try to look right and left, pretending it’s just not there.

I have been doing this for a while on an over powering issue hanging over my head. So, I was quite surprised when something very simple made me stop, stand back and take notice.

I was threatened, not physically, emotionally or mentally but threatened by an anger that rose out of me. In the larger scheme of things, probably the one thing that made me sit back and notice the ever swinging yo-yo was something very small and silly. But it had links that I realized led to everything that issue was made of. 

I tried to put two and two to make five, eight and ten. Acknowledgement = respect = honesty = gratitude = counting your blessings every day = happiness.

Seems simple, but to practice this is very tough. I sat down and listed each one of these attributes to see if everything fit this bill. If it did, then life couldn’t be better.

While I struggled to balance my insecurities as an artist, writer and self-confessed creative junkie with my poker faced, stiletto wearing, quiet and patient avatar, I wondered which side will tip sooner and which person inside me will take the lead, now that the truth was dawning upon me. 

If my happiness depended of gratitude and respect, I needed to do and be in every situation that fulfilled these attributes.

How many times in life, if not forever, we allow ourselves to live without the fulfillment of these attributes. We make excuses, give up and give in, only to rot inside because something always remains amiss. 

We forget that what matters in life is if our inner core is smiling, if we are actually smiling in our hearts, stomach and knees and not just on our faces.

We ignore indications and signs that tell us – something is not right, “You are not fulfilling your sole and inherent right to be happy”. We just ignore that voice deep inside us and allow ourselves to believe that we could make do with the average.

It is when this realization seeped into my soul that something inside me snapped. Something changed.

I pledged.

From today, I allow my eccentric artist to take the lead. Today, I give up on the average and empty that space in my life for the best to come and fill it. I believe that I deserve all the happiness of the universe, because I am God's blessed baby. Today, I throw away the yo-yo and look straight ahead into the future that shines so, so bright. 

Today, I take a step into an ocean of happiness and allow myself to float away in its glory, forever.

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