Friday, July 18, 2014

Why You Are No Longer My Facebook Friend.

In one of my whimsical spring-cleaning sprees, I deleted more than fifty people from my Facebook friend list. It was liberating.

When it comes to friends, I miss the time when a few friends were enough to validate relationships and provide security. These were people we made conversations with. We picked up the phone and spoke for hours, made an effort to meet up every evening, talk of the same illogical stuff, but had a real connection.

I want to tell those who are no longer defined by the social networking standards of friendship that I have nothing against you. I am not being a social recluse and it doesn’t mean I dislike you. I will never ignore you if I see you at a coffee shop or will stop wishing you on your birthday.
You are amazing. You just don't fit in my life and here's why - 

1) You are an ex.

Anyone in your life, who is defined by a prefix EX, doesn’t need attention in the present. Memories are good enough.
Ex friends, Ex boyfriends … are they really needed in the now?

I cherish you and I thank you for everything you have given me. The love, the hurt, the good times. All of these have played a part to make me the person I am today and for that I am forever grateful. 

But at this point, I don’t need to see your amazing new life and wife on my newsfeed and you don’t need to see mine.

2) You sat three desks away from me in high school.

Did we ever speak in between classes or during lunchtime? I might have borrowed a pencil once. That’s about it. We didn’t connect then and we certainly don’t connect now.

You remind me of a time gone by. You are a hazy spec in an already fading background of my life.

Other than 30 common friends that Facebook claims we have – I don’t have anything else to share with you.

3) I have nothing to say to you.

This is my typical FB conversation with you every few months -  

You: Hey, whats up?
Me: Nothing much. What about you?
You: Hows work?
Me: Works going on man. How about you?
You: Yeah, same old.
Me: Must catch up soon, it’s been so long.
You: Ya, should do.

Lets not waste our time. Life is too short for small talk.

4) You were the third cubicle on the right.

This is an extension of the high school Facebook friend. I didn’t share my lunch with you, I didn’t gossip with you, I didn’t share my career plans with you.

You added me for reasons best known to you. I was too polite to decline.

Do I know where you work today?
The answer is NO

Good enough reason for me to let you go.

5) You are a friend’s friend

I met you at a friends wedding, we sat on the same table, had a few drinks and shared a meal.
You were excited and announced to the entire table, let me add you all on FB.
like the other five on the table, I smiled and accepted.
We never spoke after that.

I don’t think we will ever meet, or speak again.

Spring-cleaning of your wardrobe is simple. Toss clothes into two piles -
1) Clothes I love and fit into
2) Clothes I haven’t worn for a year and need to be tossed

This is exactly how every once in a while we need to evaluate our social friendships

Make an effort with the ones you love. Just don’t like their posts and photographs. Speak, converse and connect. Pick up the phone, buy that plane ticket. Life is too short. 
After the deletion spree, I emailed the people I really love and haven’t spoken with in a long time. It was hard to pen down my thoughts and write of things other than work. It took time, but soon I had replies, phone calls and hours of chats.

The People you haven’t spoken with in the longest time, the ones, who if were to call today there would be nothing you could say to them, are like the clothes you haven’t worn for a year. 
Let go. Delete. Move on.

It takes a tough gut to unfriend someone.
They will hate you.
They will think you are a snooty bitch.

But do you need five friends you can really connect with or five hundred acquaintances you can randomly stalk profiles of.

It’s a call you need to take sooner or later.

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