It’s been quite sometime that I updated the blog. I have been in a kind of slow state of mind. Numerous efforts of penning down thoughts have been wasted in vain. The end of the year generally does this to me. My time and thoughts move to contemplation of what has been, what could have been and what can be.
For me this year has been the year of acceptances and realizations.
Apart from what it has taught me, it has made me accept a lot about myself and people around. I have shifted from denial to reality through some bad and some good things that happened during the year.
- I accepted to myself that everything has a shelf life including friendships.What you can do however is replenish them from time to time if you want to savor them as you grow older.
- I accepted to myself that I am someone who will always love more than the love I will get back. I will always pour my heart out till I am completely empty; I will fall, hurt and be in pain but I will stand up again, heal my heart and move on.I learnt that I have an amazing capacity to love, and that’s just the way I am, so there’s no point changing that.
- I accepted to myself that age is something I cannot run from. Each year I will look different, maybe a little older. I will not be able to do the things I did when I was twenty five; I will not be twenty five again. I will also never be twenty seven again so all I can do is cease the moment today.
- I accepted to myself that bodies change with time. And so it is ok to throw out old clothes. They don’t need to hang in the closet with a hope of someday I will lose weight and wear them.
- I accepted to myself that all fairytales don’t end up happily ever after. Sometimes fairytales don’t even happen the way you hoped they would.Prince charming won’t come on a white horse and sweep you off your feet; you might have to walk to him.
- I accepted to myself that some fairytales do come true for certain people and with all the pure happiness I feel, it’s ok to feel a tad bit jealous.
- I accepted to myself that I have been and I guess will always be confused of what I want out of life. I will change my career preferences, my cocktail preferences and color preferences as I grow up and as I realize that life has so much to offer.
As the countdown to 2010 begins, I look back at the very long journey I have treaded and a longer one that lies ahead.
I shed so much – I discard, wrap and throw some precious and a few unwanted things, relationships and ties that now just remain memories.
I look at friends getting married and I wonder when did we grow up?
I let go of old memories to make place for new ones.
I know its time to move on.
I wish for a better tomorrow and even though I know I might make the same mistakes again I pray for the courage and strength to endure them.
I pray to find the ability to take risks and make changes without the fear of what lies ahead.
Even though it flutters endlessly I pray that next year my soul finds an abode to settle.
And to everyone who stumbles on this blog, I wish you lots of love and light.