Release - Love Letter 20

 You are telling me the sweetest things any woman would kill to hear. My eyes look into yours and my lips wait. My mind is away, my mind remembers a man whose shop I walked into and who told me in simple words – ‘you are someone whose heart will always flutter, you are a butterfly’.

I try to focus on what you are saying, you have missed me and you are trying to say things that will make me feel so wanted. Your fingers are getting ready to entangle into mine. My feet slide away, they want to run. My feet have a brain of their own.

Your words soothe my heart and it makes me still. It makes me wait while you proclaim everlasting love. I know I have waited so long, just to hear someone say those words. But they don’t move me. Is this how it is? I wonder and wait. Maybe, there will be something. Maybe, there will be music and a flutter somewhere in the insides of my stomach.

My insides are crushed. Splattered blood and smashed organs make up things under my skin. They don’t hear music anymore. They hear voices, ghosts of the past and future in fierce arguments with each other.

It’s easy to give in and I do momentarily. I give in to the silkiness of the moment that we bring about whenever we are together. For an instant there is no you or me, there is blankness.

Blankness that speaks to you but stares plainly at me. I hear your heart beating and it doesn’t match with mine anymore. I wonder if it ever did. 
I wonder if it should. There were times when it did with someone else but then, I’m with you today.

You tell me you love me and I try to force words that fail to reach my gut. They are swallowed by something that lives inside me.

Something that has lived inside me for a long time, the one that has smashed the organs and splattered the blood.

Something that has captured the butterfly into a permanent cocoon.

All I want to do is fly.....

me.

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