I wonder if writing a post and changing the opening line a million times classifies as writers block. These days I seem to suffer one more than what I would like.
Idle Tuesdays have become insomnia driven Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights.
Nights where mundane facebook stalking and tweeting are given importance. Books are bought and never read. Paints are drying and empty word documents stare at me all the time.
The BBM messenger has become a curse. Did I have a life before February 23rd 2010? I wonder if I did. Ummmm, yes! I certainly did. It involved conversations across the table with numerous cups of coffee being consumed and moments in between spent looking at the world go by, at birds flying back home and watching the sun go down.
There was a life before BBM messenger. I just seem to have lost that.
Technology will kill us one day, I always used to and continue to say that and sadly I have become prey to the evil itself. Someone told me the other day that he is just a BBM message away and I wondered where the days of, ‘I’m always right there.’ And ‘I’m just a call away’ have vanished.
In the future will I ever meet friends and have conversations?
In other thoughts, ‘Friends’ reminds me of how difficult it is to make a friend these days.
Do you remember the last time you made a REAL friend? Someone you could be honest with, open your soul to, call at 4 am and have them standing at your doorstep in fifteen minutes, watch all kinds of films and listen to all kinds of music with, laugh your guts out, talk rubbish, talk sense, not talk at all yet communicate. – You know that kind of friend?
I honestly don’t remember when. I guess in the words of Baz Lurhman (we all need to..) – “Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young”. (Sunscreen song, my anthem)
I guess he knew how hard it is to find friends as you grow older. More than that how hard it is to compartmentalize them because that’s what you need to do with every year that you add to your kitty of numbers. Boxes and compartments for the married couple friends, the single girl friends, the (very rare and almost nonexistent) single guy friends, the couple friends parting ways, the younger lot of friends, the older lot of friends. .... and on and on .....
There are rules and lines that one needs to draw when it comes to making friends as one grows older.
The single girl will not appear to be too lonely for the single guy to think he can take advantage of her. A simple coffee becomes a ‘DATE’. The married woman will not appear to be too friendly with the married guy or it might connote an affair. The singles won’t go out with the couples and the couples will try and always fix up the singles.
It wasn’t this complicated a decade ago. Life was simple, to the point and accurate. These days I don’t know where it is headed and where the 4 am friends have vanished.
In other happier news, it is a pleasure setting up a house. It is a pleasure every human being (and especially single women) ought to go though and experience to the fullest.
I had this dream when I was little about how my ‘grown up’ house would be. How it would have nice smelling candles (that I would actually burn and not just keep) and fresh flowers every day. I can’t afford the flowers but I have the candles and they are consumed!! I have a fridge stalked with coke and beer – none of which I drink too much but it feels really good to see it there.
During insomniac nights sometimes I look around and ask myself, am I really doing this? Is this really happening? Did I really move here?
I still look both sides before crossing the street, I still cannot explain the road that leads to my house to people who are visiting, I still convert the prices of onions and still wonder how chicken can be so cheap!
This was not in the plan. But it happened. My 6th city, my 6th set of acquaintances, my 6th home.
And when people ask me if I am liking it here? I have no answer.
Maybe I will when I will finally understand which side the traffic moves.