Perfectly Lonely On Vacation

Being on a holiday alone means tons of time to contemplate and spend time with yourself.

I've realised in the past few days, even though I am a complete anti social city person, I rarely spend time by myself being idle - No television, no Internet all day. Just me and my thoughts.

Being by yourself in a new city, where you don't read or speak the language is a kind of meditation in itself. Thoughts come jumbled up first, there is confusion and sometimes a bit of loneliness. But this eases after a while... To reach a point where thoughts start flowing naturally. Real thoughts that one should be thinking. The idle Tuesday ones :) and you start loving your own company.

In the past few days I have stopped obsessing over my life, my work and my relationship. I have thought about life, thanked God for bringing me here, experiencing a different culture and people but I haven't obsessed about how and where my life is heading.

I haven't thought about work and the complexities of it and I haven't thought about my relationship in a negative way. I still miss it, when I see something interesting I miss sharing that with someone who might understand what I am feeling. But the feeling passes as soon as it comes.

I'm itching to write about these cities. Paris was lovely, everything written about it is hundred percent true and I guess I am certainly not the first one saying this! I am currently enjoying Barcelona. A stark contrast to Paris in every way but I am loving the rustic charm that this city has.

My days are filled with walking and observing. Sitting at a bar and sipping coffee, reading and watching the world go by.

The next thing anyone would expect me to say is that I want to do this forever.. But no... I can't wait to get back and start my life anew and fresh. Even if it is from scratch and with the basics... Just the fact it will be on my terms seems worthwhile enough.

Time

If I could turn back time I would. I would take away a lot of words (at least from my side) and replace them with something that would make more sense today.

I would, if I could turn back time, be smarter, stronger and more honest about what I wanted to no one but myself.

Today, I count back time to the good ones and the bad and I realize that I don’t cry for what could have and would have been. I cry for what I have lost.

It’s never easy to lose something. Perhaps the only folly in life we commit is being so attached to something that its going away can create a void that takes forever to fill.

As we grow up these tiny empty spaces in our hearts increase – The loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the death of someone who matters.  

We keep going back to wonder, what different we could have done, how we could have spent our time better – cherished, loved and soaked it all in. But time doesn’t go back.

The one option that remains is to move forward, the only way ahead - Hoping that someday, light will fill these empty spaces and somehow we will be healed.

Muddle

At that point of limbo, it slows down.

Trying to look as far as it can, to judge, to know just a little bit more.

At that point of limbo, there is always a blinding storm,

And the only way ahead is to look inside.

At that point of limbo, 

It closes its eyes, in a silent prayer.

Let it be different, let it be magical.

With a deep calm,

It embarks. One more time. 

Those things I wish I knew .....

There is a thin line that divides acceptance and still wanting more.

At every step and stage in life, you need to answer this question to your self –

Are you going to demand more from life or are you going to accept what it is giving you.

Each decision defines your life, chisels it and makes you into someone you either are proud of or someone you don’t relate to a few years down the line.

But how do you know the decision you are making is the right one?

Perhaps that’s why sometimes we play along; let time take its course, watching the game as a spectator.....

....Just hoping that by the time the game is over, it isn’t too late.

Image courtesy - www.savagechickens.com

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Better Alone Than Lonely In A Crowd

 A friend of mine who has come out of a not so good relationship and now by the grace of God is getting
into a beautiful one told me the other day that while she was in the interim period in between relationships, she realized how it was so much better to be alone than being lonely in the relationship she was in.

The words have been resonating in my mind ever since I had this little chat with her. It is so true for not
just romantic relationships but all our relationships in general - family, friends...etc etc ...

We strive to be the center of someone else’s life only to reach there all alone in the middle of someone
else’s universe, alone and lonely. (most of the times at least)

If God is kind to you there might be someone and something out there for whom you will be the center of the universe one day and you will never ever be alone or lonely. But while you search for it, my wish for you is that you learn, accept and enjoy being alone.

Start loving your company, doing things for yourself and remember that even though you might be with a
whole jing bang of people or with that someone you consider special, you are your own best friend, always.

And for that very special friend, I wish her a lifetime of happiness and togetherness! 



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The Shiva Trilogy - Not Really A Book Review

Richard Bach in his book ‘Illusions’ said that when you are looking for answers just open a book and start reading, the answers will be there for you. 

I have been readying the Shiva Trilogy – The immortals of Meluha and the Secret of the Nagas and I have to admit I am in love with Shiva. 

With no intention of hurting the sentiments of fanatic Hindus, I think Shiva is so hot. Is it his passion, strength or the world of weed he lives in? Or is it his honestly, humility and love? I am not sure but he certainly has it in him to be the ideal man for any woman!

I loved the books. They are quite the page turners and are written in an uncomplicated, breezy ease. I like how the writer has tried to bring in facts, history, spirituality and mythology together. I read chapter 3 of book 2 almost five times to understand the masculine and feminine way of life from the Hinduism outlook.

Strangely, answers started coming. 

I am not ritualistic but I have a lot of faith and believe in something spiritual existing everywhere around me. I have read a lot on new age spirituality and a lot on Buddhism but I never got down reading about Hinduism. Perhaps because I was forced to watch Ramayana and Mahabharata on Sunday mornings all through my childhood, I considered that as a learning ground and never revisited it.

But there is so much more to it than the Mahabharata and the Ramayana and it goes way before they were even written. This I have come to realize now.

It is fascinating to understand the core of what we are from an adult point of view. Everything seems different. And as they say, comes to us at the right time. 

It is this amazing web of a way of life that leads to one thing – balance and change.

Transformation is the key to everything; it is the only constant. The trick is to balance it.

So I look around me and wonder, if I apply this in everything that is transpiring in my life right now, it could be a sure shot way of ensuring permanent happiness. 

And suddenly it all seems so simple. 

I wondered what I was running after, when it was all, always within me.

So while I wait for the third book to be published, I am taking a back seat, taking it easy. I don’t need everything to happen NOW. I need to live the now....

....Sipping a glass of wine and watching the sunset. I know Shiva wouldn’t mind, he's here smoking his chillum right next to me!

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Heart Warming Stories, Soulful Food : Bringing a bit of Pune into my kitchen - Chicken and Leek Stroganoff, an ode to Prems

One of my favorite places in Pune while I spent five years there was Prems. Quaint and relaxed, it was the perfect place to go to anytime of the day. No clue how ‘happening’ it is now but back in those days it was perfect for the once a month splurge on a good meal kind of place, apt for a first date or to spend a few hours drinking beer and reading a book. Prems appealed to everyone.

I used to love the way a huge tree would cover the entire courtyard and in the late afternoon little leaves would fall down and scatter on pristine white table cloths. I still remember they had a cat or two which was not very pleasing for me but it did add some character to the place. However, what I most remember about Prems is the Chicken Stroganoff. 

The first time I ever tasted Stroganoff was  in fact at Prems. And I became a regular for Stroganoff and beer.  The creaminess and the flavor of the dish were delectable. Even today I can think about it and go into a dreamy state that reminds me of those carefree college days, late afternoon lunches, a chilled foster and the Chicken Stroganoff. 

A few days ago I woke up thinking about Prems. Yes, I dream of food. Kill me if you want to.

As luck would have it I was browsing through one of my JamieOliver cook books and I found his 19 minute recipe to Chicken and Leek Stroganoff. Can you believe my excitement, Maybe I should have asked the lord for a million bucks!

Anyways it was the weekend and post a quick trip to the grocery store, I was ready. The Stroganoff turned out YUM and bought little taste of Pune in my home with a whole lot of memories to think and reminisce about during the weekend.

I just love how food brings us closer to who we are, where we come from and takes us, where we ought to be.

Chicken and Leek Stroganoff

So here’s the quick and easy recipe thanks to Jamie Oliver (it took me longer than 19 minutes though :-))

What you need

Rice – I used one cup Basmati
Leeks – The recipe said 1 large leek but I found a packet of baby leeks and used those
Mushrooms – used regular white ones
2 chicken breasts
Olive oil
Butter
A glass of white wine  - J I used more than a glass
A bunch of fresh parsley
around 250 gms of single cream
1 lemon 

Seasoning – salt and freshly ground pepper

And what you do

 

Boil rice as you would and set aside.
In the meanwhile, chop the leeks, slice the chicken into little finger type size, slice the mushrooms.
Heat a pan and add the butter, olive oil, leeks and white wine with some water and seasoning. Cover with a foil and let it boil away for five minutes.
Chop the parsley and then add the chicken, mushrooms, parsley and cream to the pan. Bring to a boil, add seasoning and simmer till the chicken is cooked. Just before turning off the heat, add some more seasoning if need be and half of the lemon juice.

Serve on a bed of rice with some parsley garnishing and wedges of lemon.

As easy as it gets!

Happy cooking!

Heart Warming Stories, Soulful Food : Easy Peasy Grilled Fish And Pineapple Salsa (For lazy single girls and boys :) )

My dinner tonight was amazing and I absolutely have to share this recipe with you all. It is a simple, no nonsense gourmet delight in your kitchen within thirty minutes. Makes sense for me and a lot of single, working crazy hour’s people out there. 

I have always been wary of cooking fish however recently I have vowed to be healthy in my food habits and fish seems to the smart option for dinner. The problem is I love eating fish but I don’t like if it smells fishy. My Indian palate also craves for something tangy and full of masala. So I need to really think before I cook any kind of sea food. After spending an hour browsing the internet for some inspiration today, I came across a few recipes that I decided to combine and make this yummy pain grilled fish and salad.

Pan grilled soy fish with caramelized onions and a pineapple salsa salad

 The fish –

Make a marinate of  1 tbsp olive oil,  2 tbsp chopped onions, 2 tbsp lime juice, 2 tbsp dark soy sauce, 1 tsp garlic paste. Mix portions of fish fillets with the marinate and keep aside for 15-20 mins (I used cream dory fillets and kept the marinate in the fridge)

You can bake the fish or grill it in an Ikea grill pan if you are as lazy as me. Allow the onions to caramelize and put the remaining marinate on the fish as well

The fish was ready in 5 minutes on medium heat, I didn't use any extra oil, the olive oil in the marinate was enough.

The salad –

The soy flavor of the fish needed something sweet and tangy to break the strong soy flavor. So I decided on a pineapple salsa. The prep for this can be done while the fish marinates, but you would like to leave it in the fridge for a while as it tastes heavenly when it’s cold and the flavors have had time to blend together.

Finely chop a cup full of pineapple, some spring onions, some red onions, half a red pepper, 2-3 tbsp of coriander and one jalapeno. Mix all this with 1 tsp of honey, juice of 1 lime, salt, pepper, a pinch of paprika and a pinch of cumin powder.

The fish goes so well with the salad. And even on its own the salad is refreshing and quite awesome! The caramelized onions give a very sizzler type flavor to the fish and there is no fishy smell :- )

So much so for healthy food, I am ending my dinner with an absolutely delicious coconut macaroon from Waitrose.

well, it is the weekend and a little bit of indulgence is allowed, isn’t it? ;-) 

Happy Cooking!

Time To Throw Away The Yo Yo

Call me ignorant or lazy but sometimes I fail or simply refuse to see an issue hanging right in front of me. The issue goes up and down like a yo-yo and I simply try to look right and left, pretending it’s just not there.

I have been doing this for a while on an over powering issue hanging over my head. So, I was quite surprised when something very simple made me stop, stand back and take notice.

I was threatened, not physically, emotionally or mentally but threatened by an anger that rose out of me. In the larger scheme of things, probably the one thing that made me sit back and notice the ever swinging yo-yo was something very small and silly. But it had links that I realized led to everything that issue was made of. 

I tried to put two and two to make five, eight and ten. Acknowledgement = respect = honesty = gratitude = counting your blessings every day = happiness.

Seems simple, but to practice this is very tough. I sat down and listed each one of these attributes to see if everything fit this bill. If it did, then life couldn’t be better.

While I struggled to balance my insecurities as an artist, writer and self-confessed creative junkie with my poker faced, stiletto wearing, quiet and patient avatar, I wondered which side will tip sooner and which person inside me will take the lead, now that the truth was dawning upon me. 

If my happiness depended of gratitude and respect, I needed to do and be in every situation that fulfilled these attributes.

How many times in life, if not forever, we allow ourselves to live without the fulfillment of these attributes. We make excuses, give up and give in, only to rot inside because something always remains amiss. 

We forget that what matters in life is if our inner core is smiling, if we are actually smiling in our hearts, stomach and knees and not just on our faces.

We ignore indications and signs that tell us – something is not right, “You are not fulfilling your sole and inherent right to be happy”. We just ignore that voice deep inside us and allow ourselves to believe that we could make do with the average.

It is when this realization seeped into my soul that something inside me snapped. Something changed.

I pledged.

From today, I allow my eccentric artist to take the lead. Today, I give up on the average and empty that space in my life for the best to come and fill it. I believe that I deserve all the happiness of the universe, because I am God's blessed baby. Today, I throw away the yo-yo and look straight ahead into the future that shines so, so bright. 

Today, I take a step into an ocean of happiness and allow myself to float away in its glory, forever.