Thursday, November 22, 2007

Recipe for sugar coated disaster - Part 2

I sat there looking at him and thinking to myself…
Despite what I say, plan or do..
I end up at the same road, at the same junction time and time again…
A road that leads nowhere, a road where I know I will fall, hurt and bleed.

I sat there looking at him and thinking......
How can I hate and love someone at the same time...
How can love overcome even the darkest of emotions?

I surprise my self at times...I
n the midst of a conquest with my self...
I JUST sat there looking at him...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

consumerism and relationships

Will we ever be loyal to the one we love?
Will we ever love one and just one?

I don’t understand my generation. I sound just like my mother; I’ve heard her say this often.

I don’t understand how my generation can love passionately, marry and then can’t stand the sight of each other. I don’t understand how my generation can love passionately, marry and then soon find someone else to love. I don’t understand how my generation can love passionately, marry and then realize that they were never meant to be together.

What is wrong with us? Are our relationships like fast food, multiplexes and shopping malls? Where everything is disposable, there is a lot of choice and so much confusion that we never remember why we ever entered into it in the first place.

With so many flavors and types of chips to choose from will we ever have a favorite? Will we ever be brand loyal?
Will be ever be loyal to the one we love?

As the new era of consumerism dawns upon us, so does an attitude that is reflected in our relationships with people.
The new age consumers want fast results and they want the best. They want the latest gizmos and as technology becomes obsolete every month, so do the gizmos.
The new age consumer comes of age early; at four years he knows which cartoon character he wants on his tiffin box.
The new age consumers have a choice they never dreamt off earlier. ‘The good life’ is now within their reach. Fashion is on the streets, anyone and everyone can be a Ashwariya, Salman or John.
The new age consumer is hungry, hungry for experimentation and hungry for consumption.

This is my generation – Hungry

Is being hungry wrong?

They love speed dating. They love the word ‘fling’. They want to have a one night stand and forget about it not in the morning but in the middle of the night.
They will marry, because they are passionate.
Passion drives them. Passion to attain, passion to own.

Passion, that fades as soon as it begun. Then they are hungry for more.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


"I've spent over 400 hours of my life looking for comets, and haven't found anything, and now, suddenly, when I'm not looking for one, I get one dumped in my lap.”

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

lost passions???

I met this amazing person last week; he reminded me of so much of what I have forgotten …
He is someone with passion, real passion…. It’s all around his aura.
When he does what he does best he is completely into it…
I stood there thinking that how much I wanted to be like him, how I knew my passions but didn’t pursue most of them and sometimes never recognized them at all…
Here is a person who lives for his passion.. He breathes it… all the time…
He might not have a lot of what all of us had there.. Jobs, money etc etc …
He had peace….
As I looked at the other faces watching him …. I noticed I was not the only one thinking like this ….

Monday, September 3, 2007

Recipe for sugar coated disaster.

I sat looking at him and thinking to myself...
why would i do this to myself?
I looked around and there were so many happy faces, so many beautiful faces... faces calling me, inviting me to come and see there world...
Yet, I sat there looking at him, My feet stuck to the ground beneath which shuddered due to the after shocks "us" has brought along the years...
My feet are used to that. I think they secretly like it...
They like the momentary happiness that leads to sugar coated disaster.

I sat there looking at him and thinking......
How can i hate and love someone at the same time...
I surprise my self at times...
In the midst of a conquest with my self...

I sat there looking at him and thinking...
He who knows everything yet not himself, Deserves nothing from me ...

I smiled .. and decided to play along ... !

Friday, August 31, 2007


Kihim is one of the most relaxing places I have ever visited. a rocky beach near the very visited alibaug,It has a calmness about it that is very eerie. A lot of people might not agree with me as it is one of the most visited beaches from Mumbai, I guess for me it was the company,the place.. And the fact I was away from all stress and problems. We stayed at pednekars bungalow.. Now its not really a bungalow... the room is crappy and the loo is outside the room.. But who cares when the moment you step out of the room you step into sand... it’s on the beach!!!!! He has attempted to make a little shack outside and has succeeded quite a lot with the thatched umbrella and the wooden benches. He has an amazing cook for a wife who will make the most delicious fried fish and prawn curry ... total maharashtrian style, all you have to do is take a mat lie under the umbrella and watch the sky change, occasionally just shoo ff a cat or a puppy :).
The sea is so wondrous, all these years i lived in Bombay (in bandra, worli) so close to the sea yet i didn’t notice how ever-changing it is, which is what makes is so very beautiful. Two days seemed like two weeks... that’s pure relaxation.. Jahnvi, Megha and I share a great relationship.. We don’t need to talk in order to communicate. Holidays should be with friends like this.. Lying on the beach at night, listening to someone strum the guitar, eat good food, drink good alcohol.. can be any ordinary beach party but something happened to us that weekend, nothing was ordinary.. we all needed the break so much that we were living every single minute of the day. I don’t remember the last time I had done that. Without saying a word we realised that some bonds last forever, people come and go but friends stay. We spoke about what a long way each one of us has come in the past 9 years, despite all the jobs, the men, the trials and the tribulations... we still can be ourselves with each other.
I guess that was the reason we could live each moment and relax, we were ourselves.
An hour away from the gateway of India by ferry is nothing, its like going from andheri to town on any normal working day. What took us so long to step out??

Friday, August 17, 2007


A dark sheet lifted ..
Emerged a bright yellow sphere,
Luminous, dazzling, shinning..
Reflected on her glazed skin
Soaked into her palms,
Sunk deep into her eyes,
Touched her soul,

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Something i found again ... written last year in march ...

Every time I reach a destination I prepare to leave. Be it a two day weekend break, a month long vacation or a year.

As soon as I reach I fear the day ill have to leave. The initial time is spent on adjusting to the fact that i'm here finally and then the rest few in the end is spent on being anxious about my departure. Little time is left, where I truly get don’t to cherish where I am, who I am with and what i’m doing here

I am a forever moving person. Moving drives me it keeps me going. I can never stay in a place for more than two months at a stretch. I have to get away. Ideally I would love to get away every month or Maybe lesser, but the money doesn’t permit it right now.
On my way to Ahmedabad this time I realized my favorite feeling in the whole world. It is the feeling I get when the aero plane takes off. Most people would get sick at the thought of that, but for me it is a beginning to something that’s different, something that’s new. An adventure i’m going to embark upon. Every time a plane takes off or the train leaves the station or the bus moves I get the same feeling.
It is not this time I am concerned about or the time I leave that place to go to the other, they are beautiful experiences, a journey towards the unknown is always beautiful in the beginning.
I am concerned about the time I spend in between, the time that doesn’t measure in thought.
I try to segregate time into three parts- my entering, living and exiting the journey. Should I actually do so? Or should I merge all into one whole exciting episode that I am experiencing.
It takes practice I guess.
That’s why in a jiffy time passes by and I realize I’m leaving tomorrow and then the fretting starts about how I don’t want to leave…. And then I prepare to start another journey and go through the same thing again.
I start giving myself excuses. And I continue to do the same.

Isn’t life just the same?

We are on a forever journey along the universe from one body to another from one city to another across space and time. Each time we embark upon a new journey we are anxious.
From the second we are born the journey is marked as an important arrival date. The initial years go in adjusting ourselves to the new surroundings, new people, learning there ways of life, learning of what they term as right and wrong, good and bad.
We forget in time that why did we ever even come here?

By the time we get a reality check it’s late.
We all get reality checks, the universe conspires it. It didn’t send you on this journey for nothing.
Of course for many of us by the time the reality check happens we are nearing the completion of the journey and then we start panicking over the amount of time we have lost and we see the end so near. Most of the time is then spent on worrying or on trying to find new roads and ways to reach the end appropriately.
It’s the time in between we hardly remember.
The day we depart is also marked as an important date. What about the time in between?
Who marks these dates? Dates that are special maybe just to you. Dates that might be etched on your subconscious and forgotten by the conscious mind in the daily rush rush and busy life.
There are also dates we missed out on, dates we forgot, dates we didn’t think were important or we thought we could delay to do that.

Do I come back to the place I visited before? Sometimes I do, at times I keep coming back. But each time I sit on that air plane my agenda is different. There are different people to meet, different work to do. I get the chance to live and relive the journey time and time again but each time there are other things on my mind.

And time just flies.

If I would slow down a little and stop and smell the flowers as that say….
If I would stop a bit and look at the people who entered and left my life and the very few who have stayed on. If I see each one of them as someone so unique who changed my immediate universe upside down in a good/bad way.

Then I forever love them.

I gaze at the clouds outside the tiny airplane window. Amazed at the out of world experience I am having right now, I wish it would just stay like this in-between the clouds.
Reality check- The plane lands.
Well… it’s just the beginning…..


Run away

I was going through some old stuff i wrote on scraps of paper... I came across this poem ... I dont remember who i wrote this for, when and even why! I cant relate to the emotions i must have gone through while writing this anymore.. they seem so alien ... this is the ability we have to move on in life .. Pain that seemed unbearable ... vanishes into the darkness of your past...

Run away

I need to get away, run away,
From you, from your attitudes
From that face I’ve got to know so well
From the smell that lingers around me all day.
I need to run away,

I need to get away, run away,
From the stolen kisses,
The secret smiles,
From the tender ways you cared
I need to run away,

I need to get away, run away,
From the pain I’ve learnt to live with,
From the hurt your harsh words bring to me
From the love that’s vanished away
Yet grows somewhere deep in my heart,I need to run away.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

to innocence

A long day has gone by
Where am I?
Eyes empty, searching inside
My ‘self’ that’s somewhere hiding behind the darkness
Unaware of the light
That’s just a blink away.

I blink.

The lights blinding
What was the point?

Eyes that remain hollow
Peep inside a soul
Light fills into crevices of the shadows inside.

Years gone by shine through the light
Like a canvas being painted, black and white.

My eyes remember
That’s a person they recognize.

Feet start to move, drawn to the light
Everything starts to fill with colors
Blue, green, yellow and red.

I turn around and run
As fast as I can
It’s my salvation
My u-turn to innocence …


Monday, February 5, 2007

turn turn turn.....

Words-adapted from the bible, book of ecclesiastes
Music-pete seeger

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late


Coincidences ….
According to the celestial prophecy – there is no such thing as a coincidence.
I have encountered this during various tarot readings that I do for people, tarot of course is a lot of energy and concentration of the questioner along with my intuition and clarity in thought.
So many times it has happened that a prediction has come true within 24 hours, many a times it is associated with a lot of loss and disappointment.
Leaving the questioner upset and bewildered at the same time.
Me- it leaves me sad, it’s not a nice thing to tell someone who expectedly looks at you to say good things about their future that things might not go well. It is very difficult to put across that even though the worst might happen … ultimately its all for the good, its just about looking at the bigger picture and seeing it maybe after sometime has passed.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

the sunscreen song

This song sums up life so well ... i love the part which says ... "sometimes youre ahead, sometiems youre behind, the race is long ... and in the end its only with yourself... " :)

EVERBODY'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN) Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked, you are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard, Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen


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