Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Just 3 Little Stories

From a writer’s block to writing three little stories in one hour. Nothing gets me as high and happy as being in this state where words and ideas just flow as if I’m possessed by some kind of mystical energy and my fingers can’t stop typing. 

So read on, dedicated to all the beautiful women I know and the ones I don’t but who are connected with me in this great universe, just because we are simply awesome!

......We are awesome because we believe, dream and never stop loving.

Number 1 - Mom is ALWAYS right (and not just about how to cook rice!)

Always, listen to your mother.

If I could offer you one advice for the future, this would be it. 

You will not appreciate when she will painstakingly try to fill some sense in your head, in more ways than you can imagine. She will scream and shout, sit you down, tell you the stories of her growing up years, laugh with you and sometimes when unable to express herself verbally, write an email to you.  

But in whatever way she says it, listen to your mother.

When mine told me the following golden words of wisdom, I thought she didn’t love me enough to let me explore my life.

She told me once, “Don’t ever, ever expose your vulnerabilities to a man.”

It took me 12 years, a few heartbreaks, and finally a lovely person (who mentioned this to me again) to realise that she was right all along.

It’s hard; to open your palms to all that the universe has to offer yet guard yourself against the pain that awaits you every single step of the way. 

It’s a task to keep a straight face when you’re dying inside.

But the hardest of it is to keep your dignity. To walk with your head high, to embrace the goodness that surrounds you yet not allow yourself be vulnerable to it. 

There are things you cannot change about yourself, I cannot change the fact I sometimes get too vulnerable. But today, every step I take, somewhere in my head her voice resounds and I remember that there is someone who is the most important person in this whole puzzle, someone who matters the most, and that person is Me.

Number 2 - Queen of my domain

After a few very crappy days something simple happened and changed the way I was looking at life since the past few weeks. 

I went and bought a new fridge. ( I had a very tiny one earlier)

I have been so preoccupied in the lack of certain things and the abundance of some in my life that I had completely forgotten to (as they say) count my blessings.

When the fridge arrived and fit so aptly in my kitchen, matching with the cooking range and the tiles, I took a deep breath and stepped back.

There I was, in this home that’s been a dream since as long as I can remember. This abode where each and every thing is a result of my hard work and efforts. 

Rewind to 365 days prior to that moment, could I even imagine standing here with this big ass fridge in front of me in the salary that I was earning? 

But it happened. At that very moment, I was right in the middle of my dream, grinning ear to ear, so utterly proud of myself.

How many women, even in my generation get the opportunity to make a life of their own without a man’s help?

To live in different cities and countries, study something completely different from the usual run off the mill stuff, make friends of different cultures and races, build a life that constitutes of everything and lacks nothing.
Just how lucky am I! 

I hate leaving my home and long to come back to it as soon as possible. It’s a place where there is always food in the kitchen, there’s music and the humdrum of the air-conditioning, where friends are as much at home as I am, where we laugh, drink and celebrate the fact that each one of us in our own special way is right in the middle of our dream.

Number 3 - Crazy little thing called love

“It’s like walking of a tight rope all the time”, She said, “You’ve got to keep the balance and your head straight”. 

“Why can’t I ever do it? Why do I always lean on the side that is not mine, lose myself and then hate myself for doing that”, I said.

I have had this conversation with her several times in the 10 years of my dating history. Sometimes with smudged mascara and at times with bloodshot angry eyes.

She, the one in the mirror, always so calm, with a warm, reassuring smile would say, “It will be right, when it is the right time.”

 I never stopped believing in her, even in the darkest hours. She would be there, a little flicker, holding me tight. 

I trusted her. The right time will come, someday. 

And it did. 

One day when I stopped waiting for it, in a rented car, it landed right at my doorstep. 

I don’t see her in the mirror anymore, the flicker is gone.
It’s a flame, bright and shining... 
... and its standing on the other side of the mirror. Smiling.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

What do you wish for?

What do you wish for?

I have been asked this question on several occasions, probably since the time I could speak. Wishes, wants desires and aspirations, aren’t these the components that make us strive for more and go on till the end of life?
When I was asked this I often wondered what clever answer I could give to impress the person asking such a profound question. (One that probably defines our whole life purpose) My wishes changed according to the person asking the question, money, happiness, love, blah, blah....

In the past two months however my definition of what I wish for myself and my family has completely changed. 

To put it straight, I have been to almost one doctor a day; I’m not dying (at least today) but there has been something or the other that has lead me to be on antibiotics for more than a month. Do I like the feeling? Hell no!!!

I have been on vacation after more than a year and have spent it eating bland food and staying in. That is not a good feeling. 

What’s more, people close to me have been ill with cancer, pain and in need for surgeries. To see suffering of the body (which we all know is so damn transient, yet so important) is painful in its own self.

It brings me to that question again, what do you wish for? What do you live for?

Isn’t it just good health, a strong being and a fit mind? 

We abuse our bodies, drink excessively, smoke, stress at work endlessly and plop ourselves in front of the television in our spare time. Most of these crimes have been committed by me and as would have been expected my body did give up, not gravely but little, slight hints that there might be something bad waiting for me soon.

When I woke up today I prayed to God to bless me with good health, to end the suffering of someone close to me dying with cancer and to send some good health to my ageing parents and grandparents. 

To the readers of my blog and other who might stumble on this, respect your body and don’t take it for granted. Call the ageing and ill parents and family members today. Life is too short to think it can be lived tomorrow. 

Love and Light,

(In Gujarati goodbye is said as – aao jo (I will see you again), in all my visits to doctors this past month and a half, I haven’t heard anyone say that J they simple say thank you and walk away!)


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