Crossroads : eperimenting with textures

Impish bloody time.

Time is a great healer. How many times have we heard that cliché before?

Does time heal or does it just displace the hurt from the top of the pyramid to deep down below to a place that you don’t reach to often but what makes you stand strong and solid?

What it does give you is a sense of achievement over your own mundane battles that you try to fight each and every day. But that doesn’t mean the scars and wounds vanish?

Time is so impish. Playing games with us all the time.

Time makes us what they call indifferent and what we call numb.

And then, life happens.

colours....

love letter -17 - when 'i love you is not enough' (yes, she writes happy love letters too !!!)

I have tried to write a ‘love’ letter to you so many times, I start and after two lines everything seems clichéd everything seems less of what I would want to say to you.

What do you tell a person you love other than ‘I love you’? And what do you do when those three words fall short of what you really what to say?

You didn’t come into my life and sweep me off my feet. That was done by someone else. Someone who slipped and fell as swiftly as I caught my balance!
You however crept in slowly and quietly into my mind and secretly started stealing piece by piece... conversation by conversation, my heart.

You came into my life with a sly smile and twisted eyebrows, three lines of frowns defining your authority over everything you owned. The three lines that so often form when you are thinking or driving or just watching, me.

You have made me happy and you have made me cry. You have made me dance with joy and even made me sad. You have made me realise that I am capable of infinite amounts of love.

If I can’t tell you that every time I see you, my heart melts and at that exact moment there is only me and you in the world. And if I can’t tell you that when you’re not around, all I do is think of you and miss you but at the same time I know you are there with me for ever and ever.

What do I tell you if I can’t tell you ‘I love you’?

TO BE CONTINUED....

Kaminey

The song Kaminey is one of the best pieces of poetry I have heard in a long time.
it captures the essence of life so beautifully and in my favorite expression of life - Ironically !!!
The irony is ingrained in every word, how we live so selfishly and yet we chose to ignore it.
how we take everything in life for granted and keep wanting more from it.

Gulzar is at his best, he just gets better with age..!

Every time I listen to this song, I think of these lines ---

kaun rota hai kisi aur ki khatir? sab ko apni hi kisi baat pe rona aaya....

The song kaminey -

Kya karen zindigi, isko hum jo mile,
Iski jaan kha gaye, raat dil ke gile,
Meri aarzo kamini
Mere khwab bhi kaminey
Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzur bhi kaminey.

Kabhi zindigi se manga pinjre mein chand la do,
Kabhi laltern de ke kaha aasman pe tango
Jeene ke sab karine the hamesha se kaminey
Meri dastan kamini
Mere raste kaminey
Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzur bhi kaminey.

Jiska bhi chehra chila andar se aur nikla
Masoom sa kabootar na chat mor nikla
Kabhi hum kaminey nikle kabhi dosre kaminey
Meri dosti kamini
Mere yaar bhi kaminey
Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzur bhi kaminey.

Concentration

Dont leave home..

Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be
When it's just you and little me
Everything is clear and everything is new
So you won't be leaving will you?

Us. Love letter 16

I don’t know where I lost you, somewhere along the way. When did your hand slip out of mine?

I sit here watching the silence that grows deeper as something inside me hurts and dampens every corner of my heart.

I watch us, hung on tender hooks on dark, soiled walls. Fading slowly like old paintings, unclear smiling faces and blurred magic.

As I stare at you gazing into emptiness, a world you forbid me to enter. I struggle to keep alive all I have left of you, memories that are just mine, and mine to keep.

I remember times when you dropped by just without notice, the way it felt when our fingers touched for the first time. I can’t forget the way you stared at me with those eyes and only we knew what it meant.
Times when you remembered what I liked, what I didn’t and did just that. When you were there every time I needed you, I didn’t need to say a thing.

Where are you now?
Where are we?

Lost amongst a million reasons and rationales, in a sea of wordless contact of infinite emotions.
I see you standing there and you see me.
Static and still.

Passion - Lost in the complexity

Loss - the answers

Sometimes we feel an immense sense of loss. You feel that everything you have or can have is getting lost in the sands of time and space.
I asked myself, and these are the answers my soul gave to me.

What is mine and what is not?

Yours is nothing. You own nothing. You can only try to own what you feel. And you can feel love.

What am I going to take from here?

You take nothing, as you own nothing. There is nothing and no one you can hold on too except for yourself.

What do I do then? I am confused.

All you can strive to do is seek love, seek happiness. Hold it within yourself and spread it as far as you can. Happiness has a way of expanding; sorrow however only nibbles your soul slowly till you are crippled.

Loss

श्याम की भीनी खुशबू जो आई, एक नज़र पड़ी अपने हाथों पे
धीरे धीरे उनके बीच से निकल के गिर रहे थे, सारे सपने, सारी आशाएं. हलके हलके, टपक टपक.

हाथ खोले तो देखा,उनके बीच में कुछ नहीं था,पन्ने की तरह साफ़, मुझको टाक रहे थे.

पुछा मैंने उस खुदा से
कहाँ गया सब?
कहाँ खो दिया मैंने उसे
क्यों नहीं है अब कुछ मेरे पास?

हँस के बोला वो
किस पे रोंती है तू?

तेरा कभी कुछ था ही कहाँ?

So it is...

And so it is,
Just like it should be,
Goodbye, for now.

And so it is,
I’m still standing in the rain,
Watching you disappear
Into the thick mist,
Just like it had to be,
Goodbye, for now.

And so it is,
Alone in the night,
Singing the saga,
Of unrequited love,
Just like it would be,
Goodbye, for now.

Complexity

Can I open the doors to the perplexity,confusion,complexity.... the spirals of your mind?
Painted this today with a little inspiration from the internet. :-)

So. A love letter of sorts!

So swiftly she falls from the fenced corners of reason, deep into his arms.

So easily he picks her up from the depths of insanity, they might be on the verge of.

So smoothly they engulf each other as if they were one forever, broken up unnaturally.

So simply they talk, never with words, in a language they have invented.

So effortlessly they let loose, holding on though through invisible cords.

So eternally they live, amidst their own jigsaw puzzles. Yet always fitting together.

LL - 14 (the story of love letter # 2 continues)

Let’s forget what is and what is not.
Today, let’s not reason and explain.
Let us, bare all today.
Our thoughts starkly naked,
Today let passion lead the way.

Let’s forget what tomorrow might bring,
Today let us revel in pleasures infinite.
Let us, discover each other
Today in a whole new light.

Games - LL - 13

Don’t hide; I might not be able to find you. Why do you love playing this game, when you like changing your hiding place? I count and count and run to seek, Every time it’s a blank wall that I meet.

Life spins the bottle; you are as always, truthful, open and bare. I’m shy and timid and I don’t dare. I don’t dare to tell you, how I feel. You, blatantly honest, play fair.

I don’t want to play scramble anymore, where each letter is twisted and turned, where what we say is not what we mean. Where what we mean is often unheard.

As I sit here, waiting for something to happen.

Something to change and something to tickle the stillness around me, I wonder where and how the games we try to play have started playing me.

The eternal day-break

The placid river sits,
Silently as we stare,
Into the morning sun,
Rising unaware.

Fleets of humming birds,
Arise to a new day,
Soar into blue sheets,
Far far away.

The gentle breeze,
Caresses the dewy grass,
Naively swaying,
When through it we pass.

Time stands still,
For a moment, eternally.
My love, if this means forever,
Then let it just be.

I love everything Chinese!!!!!

Finally managed to do something with my coloured Ikea frames. Chinese symbols have always fascinated me. There is a lot of depth and mystery in them.
I took eight symbols that mean something to me and drew them -

Self Respect - That which I have ingrained in my blood!!
Faith - My faith in everything and everyone I believe in.
Angels - All of them, the invisible and the visible ones..
Lily - My favorite flower, my happy flower.
Friendship - Without which my world wouldn't be complete.
Forever - Because that is the most alluring concept of our existence.
Mystery - For all the mystery tomorrow holds,for what we live..
Love - Without which I wouldn't be complete.

Something’s make me happy, and something’s sad.

The HC decimalizes homosexuality!

Considering there are an estimated 70 million homosexuals in this country, considering that this is the country where AIDS is highly prevalent, considering that this is the country where gay sex is actually quite embedded in the culture and nevertheless considering we are a bunch of hypocritical, conceited, self righteous sheep. This is certainly a step towards evolving.

A priest on national television claims that gay sex is ‘unnatural’. Religion (especially Islam) condemns gay sex; other religions like Christianity are doing a favour by accepting them with respect. And to top it all, children from broken homes/single parents are likely to turn home sexual.

I am appalled at this man. Who decides what is natural and what is not? For a homosexual it is natural to love someone from the same sex. That is what his/her mind believes and knows is right. Anything else for them is unnatural. How does religion decide what is right? Religion after all is made by the society, for the society. It has no right to dictate a person’s sexual preferences. Why does a certain religion need to ‘accept’ another person? Aren’t we are all God’s children. I thought that’s what all religions propogated.

It is sad that in our country eunuchs are worshipped and ridiculed at the same time, Men can roam around holding hands (which other country would just let that pass by as ‘friendship’) and that is certainly the need for human touch that goes unfulfilled because if god forbid a man held a woman’s hand, he would be behind bars. Khujarao has sex all over its temples but using the word is taboo. The population booms, but we don’t accept that well, people have sex. Religion is politicised for everything – sex, money, power.

But it makes me happy that amidst all this there are some rays of home. Today is a happy day.

I am also happy for all the kids who are now hopefully going to have the choice to give their 10th board exams. I remember the kind of torture we went through. It was a nightmare, all the pressure and all the competition. I was a conscientious student and that is worse. You are forever worrying about the result and never learning anything truly. I don’t think I remember much of what I studied for my boards.
I have after all these years realised that education was crap. What I have learnt outside of my school and college while I was trying to get decent grades is what has educated me.

I didn’t need to know algebra to know how to stand up for myself at my work place or solve mysteries of nature and life. That my friend, life has taught me after a lot of failures and bad grades.

And I am still struggling.

From the list of things that make me sad are sad (read ‘losers’) people. And the fact that these losers are the ones who ass lick and work their way up in life. They nod to everything that comes their way.

You are awesome! – Nod
You are a fucking asshole! - Nod
Will you do this? – Nod
Will you not do this? – Nod
You idiot don’t you have a fucking spine? – confused up down, right left nod

Alas, the losers sadly end up taking the fatter pay cheques, the medals and the stars home. Idiots, like us crib, bitch and get home and sleep peacefully.

Something’s are happy and something’s are sad. Today was a happy sad day. I like being selflessly happy because of things I believe in being implemented around me.

I like today! : -)