When I meet you ... (love letter #22)

When I meet you .....

The darkness will not bring in loneliness but the solitude we seek.  

We will stay together yet rise apart

And each day you will grunt more while reading the morning paper aloud

I will smile, sip my tea and pretend to listen.

Sometimes, we will forget to speak out what we need to say & leave post its on random mirrors

We will not talk for hours but know just when to reach out for our fingers

Our fingers that with interlock perfectly

We will not get out of bed on Sundays and read thrash lying on each others laps

We won’t bother about crumbs on the bed and glasses on the side tables without coasters

On Sundays we will just be

When it will rain, we will walk without raincoats

We will kiss and jump over puddles

Sometimes you will hold me and just close your eyes

I will wonder and just stay.

Me

P.s For more love letters read here

He said, 'you complete me' and she said, 'you had me at hello'

Its been a long time since I wrote a love letter - this ones an improumtu sitting in boring meeting scribble. For more love letters feel free to browse here :-)

The drift won’t be in words but in minds and fingers

Tiptoeing towards one another, in magnitudes of darkness

There will be whiskey before and after soul opening conversations

There will times when eyes that will speak during Chinese takeout in plastic tins

Curtains will be drawn to pretend no one else can see

Minutes will turn into hours and hours will be too less

Mornings will be empty with a sense on loneliness

The one which comes with the sick feeling of completion

A completion of self

And we will continue to be lonely souls

Incomplete either ways

While the whiskey will continue to flow…

Release - Love Letter 20

 You are telling me the sweetest things any woman would kill to hear. My eyes look into yours and my lips wait. My mind is away, my mind remembers a man whose shop I walked into and who told me in simple words – ‘you are someone whose heart will always flutter, you are a butterfly’.

I try to focus on what you are saying, you have missed me and you are trying to say things that will make me feel so wanted. Your fingers are getting ready to entangle into mine. My feet slide away, they want to run. My feet have a brain of their own.

Your words soothe my heart and it makes me still. It makes me wait while you proclaim everlasting love. I know I have waited so long, just to hear someone say those words. But they don’t move me. Is this how it is? I wonder and wait. Maybe, there will be something. Maybe, there will be music and a flutter somewhere in the insides of my stomach.

My insides are crushed. Splattered blood and smashed organs make up things under my skin. They don’t hear music anymore. They hear voices, ghosts of the past and future in fierce arguments with each other.

It’s easy to give in and I do momentarily. I give in to the silkiness of the moment that we bring about whenever we are together. For an instant there is no you or me, there is blankness.

Blankness that speaks to you but stares plainly at me. I hear your heart beating and it doesn’t match with mine anymore. I wonder if it ever did. 
I wonder if it should. There were times when it did with someone else but then, I’m with you today.

You tell me you love me and I try to force words that fail to reach my gut. They are swallowed by something that lives inside me.

Something that has lived inside me for a long time, the one that has smashed the organs and splattered the blood.

Something that has captured the butterfly into a permanent cocoon.

All I want to do is fly.....

me.

more love letters and posts on love here 

The reunion

Someday my love, when we both have ample time to kill, we will sit next to each other and stare at the blue sky, speechless for hours.

We will not move or touch, we will just linger forever.

We will let the silkiness of the calm breeze caress our skin

We will let the vastness of the universe embrace us

Soft, gentle and pure,

We will let cold raindrops kiss each cell in our skin

Until we give up all our senses and surrender

Someday my love, when we both have ample time to kill, we will look for each other

In the crazy monotonous race of everyday life,

To sit next to each other, speechless for hours.

Till then,

XX

me.

Strange Strangers

Strange strangers we become

Walking down the same path

Silence doesn’t speak anymore

It’s vacuum all over again.

There was a you I used to know

I don’t see him anymore

Is he lost?

Or did I forget him?

With fierce knives and scissors

We delicately cut what used to be us

No reason, no plan

Strange strangers we become

Walking down the same path

Never to meet again.

love letter -17 - when 'i love you is not enough' (yes, she writes happy love letters too !!!)

I have tried to write a ‘love’ letter to you so many times, I start and after two lines everything seems clichéd everything seems less of what I would want to say to you.

What do you tell a person you love other than ‘I love you’? And what do you do when those three words fall short of what you really what to say?

You didn’t come into my life and sweep me off my feet. That was done by someone else. Someone who slipped and fell as swiftly as I caught my balance!
You however crept in slowly and quietly into my mind and secretly started stealing piece by piece... conversation by conversation, my heart.

You came into my life with a sly smile and twisted eyebrows, three lines of frowns defining your authority over everything you owned. The three lines that so often form when you are thinking or driving or just watching, me.

You have made me happy and you have made me cry. You have made me dance with joy and even made me sad. You have made me realise that I am capable of infinite amounts of love.

If I can’t tell you that every time I see you, my heart melts and at that exact moment there is only me and you in the world. And if I can’t tell you that when you’re not around, all I do is think of you and miss you but at the same time I know you are there with me for ever and ever.

What do I tell you if I can’t tell you ‘I love you’?

TO BE CONTINUED....

Us. Love letter 16

I don’t know where I lost you, somewhere along the way. When did your hand slip out of mine?

I sit here watching the silence that grows deeper as something inside me hurts and dampens every corner of my heart.

I watch us, hung on tender hooks on dark, soiled walls. Fading slowly like old paintings, unclear smiling faces and blurred magic.

As I stare at you gazing into emptiness, a world you forbid me to enter. I struggle to keep alive all I have left of you, memories that are just mine, and mine to keep.

I remember times when you dropped by just without notice, the way it felt when our fingers touched for the first time. I can’t forget the way you stared at me with those eyes and only we knew what it meant.
Times when you remembered what I liked, what I didn’t and did just that. When you were there every time I needed you, I didn’t need to say a thing.

Where are you now?
Where are we?

Lost amongst a million reasons and rationales, in a sea of wordless contact of infinite emotions.
I see you standing there and you see me.
Static and still.

LL - 14 (the story of love letter # 2 continues)

Let’s forget what is and what is not.
Today, let’s not reason and explain.
Let us, bare all today.
Our thoughts starkly naked,
Today let passion lead the way.

Let’s forget what tomorrow might bring,
Today let us revel in pleasures infinite.
Let us, discover each other
Today in a whole new light.

Games - LL - 13

Don’t hide; I might not be able to find you. Why do you love playing this game, when you like changing your hiding place? I count and count and run to seek, Every time it’s a blank wall that I meet.

Life spins the bottle; you are as always, truthful, open and bare. I’m shy and timid and I don’t dare. I don’t dare to tell you, how I feel. You, blatantly honest, play fair.

I don’t want to play scramble anymore, where each letter is twisted and turned, where what we say is not what we mean. Where what we mean is often unheard.

As I sit here, waiting for something to happen.

Something to change and something to tickle the stillness around me, I wonder where and how the games we try to play have started playing me.

Love letters - 12 (memory)

I don’t know you yet. Though there are times when I feel I know you. When I know what you will do next, what you will say, how you will say it.

There are those one in a million moments when I know that there is something bothering you, you have that frown, on the insides of your forehead that appears in your eyes. You are disturbed and you will not talk.

And then those flashes when in the middle of a conversation with people, our eyes meet for a split second that lasts a lifetime. And, everything is said. I know you are bored, I know you want to get out of there; probably you don’t even need me around.

There will be a time soon when we will start completing each other’s sentences. When I will not need to talk, and you will not need to pretend. We will communicate through silence. Through sighs and groans, through smiles and the raising and non raising of eyebrows.

I can feel it approaching.

And then when we are not around each other, we will linger in thoughts and silence. As if, it was always like this.

We will become a part of each other’s memory we might visit.

Memories fade. That scares me.

I don’t want you to fade....

Always,

Me

Soulmates-- or not? - love letter 11

Faraway in-between constellations of twinkling things,
Twisted and turned by endless eras of being,
Resides a me and dwells a you.
A ball of white, shinning and pretty we make,
Entwined in startling energy,
Engulfed into one another,
Bound by particles and molecules,
Pristine and unadulterated.

Unaware of a place remote
Where there is me and you.
Oblivious to each other,
In the humdrums of life,
Struggling to understand,
The deep questions that surround us.

Ignorant to the magic,
That binds us together in some distant universe
And leaves trails in this one...
Sparkling stardust
Powder white
Glitter confetti

Every time we pass by each other in the sea of millions

Everytime...

Numb. - Love letters -10

I wonder if this was meant to be so ephemeral. As I walk into a room full of strangers and catch your glance. I am numb.
I want to feel something but I am numb.
There is a part of me that wants to unlock, unravel something that’s somewhere deep in my heart.
There is another part that wants to scrape patches of harsh, brown wounds that are raw inside.
There is also a part of me that wants a jolt, wants to wake up from deep slumber.
Each part of me wants to feel.
Yet I am numb.

I have forgotten, I am forgetting.
As each moment passes swiftly,
Dreams, smiles, and tears.

I want to relive. Just for a moment, the intensity of the pain.
I am numb.

Transient it is, the beauty and malice of love.
Truth, a flash before my eyes,
Reality, not of what is. But what always has been.
Forever is just a concept.
Forever is eternally ephemeral.

I am numb.
Probably forever..

Is this the way to be??!! Love letter - 9

No notice, no announcement
Tiptoeing slowly into the mundaneness of my life,
Is this the way to be?

Dropping me into the web of cross connections,
In-between right and wrong, reality and fantasy
Is this the way to be?

Hearing what I never say. Talking without words,
Touching with just your eyes,
Is this the way to be?

Let it be .....

Flowing like the soft river
Calm and slow
No reason, no rationale
Unspoken, unaware
Touching the periphery of justification
But never overflowing

Let it be....

Love Letter # 8 - GoodBye.

So it’s goodbye.
The last straw drawn,
The last card dealt,
The hollow creeps slowly
Into the crevices of a muddled mind,
Uncertainly clear of thoughts rampant .

So it’s goodbye.
It’s time to walk away,
It’s time to forget,
Words enticed by actions lost
In futures,
Some lifetime away.

So it’s goodbye.
A moment forgotten
A memory lapsed
Misplaced and misjudged
In a past
Not so far ago.

Love letters # 7

The crescendo of our story,
Ends before it even begins..
I’m standing here to hear you,
Talk, scream or emote.
Are you just going to let me walk away?

I’m falling apart,
From you and within.
Catch me before I take the plunge,
Hold me before I embark
On our journey alone.

Me

Love letters # 6

It’s like words come till my gut and stop. Actions that I’d rather do are manipulated by the way the circumstances are moving.
I am not sure what will pierce you and what will not. What will slowly drip down your yr veins and enter your heart.
I don’t know if this is a way of living, to stop yourself from feeling.
Open the doors, it’s ok. I won’t barge and I won’t hurt.
I will enter and slowly shut them to the world and to a reality that refuses to let us be.
It will be us and only us, non measurable and unaccounted.
We will live each moment as if it were the last, we will carry memories through the time we are alive.
All we do today is let moments pass, unsure and unable to be true to them.
It’s ok to let go my love, it’s ok to love.
Can we just forget everything and remember LOVE?

Always,
Me

Love letters # 5

Sweetheart,

You know I mean it even when I don’t say I love you.
I sometimes don’t know how to put these words into shapes and actions.
I’m clumsy you know, I forget to remind you.
I hope you understand.

Always,
Me


Love,

Every time you walk through that door and your eyes search for me, I know you love me.
Each time you are clumsy and try to make up for it, I know you love me.
I just pretend not to know.
I hope you understand.

Forever,
Me

Love Letters # 4 - MOM

Happy Mother’s day to all the beautiful, adorable moms out there!! We love you so much! We just don’t say it often.

Dearest mom,

When I was a little girl the one thing that enamoured me were these pair of white stilettos that you owned. Every time you were out, I would secretly wear them and pretend to walk the catwalk.

I would pretend to be an adult and make conversation with myself in front of the mirror.

Throughout my childhood I thought that I could quite literally fit into your shoes and be you.

I grew up and realised that it’s a tough job being you. Could I ever be that giving, loving and forgiving? Could I ever match up to your sensitivities and talents?
You pushed me to be my own person but all I wanted to be was a reflection of you.
An unfortunate accident happened and I realised that you were nothing but human. You were my super mom who did hurt and who did have problems. Problems we always choose to overlook. (Moms don’t have problems now, do they?)

In that one month we switched roles. It was reinventing our relationship. You were vulnerable and for the first time in my life I had to be strong for you. I had to be a shoulder to lean on.

Suddenly without a call or notice, I had stepped into your shoes.

I learnt more about life in that one month than I have probably learnt in the past ten years.

Through your time of trouble you didn’t forget to teach me one of life’s greatest lessons.

You taught me that love has no boundaries, love needs patience and love always prevails.

When I took over as your mom, I could only wonder where all that patience came from? Where did you dig all that compassion, all that love?

Thank you mom for being you.
For teaching us the simple yet important things of life,
For never stopping us from trying, doing or experimenting anything we wanted.
Thank you mom for late night and early morning conversations.
For letting me sob for no rhyme or reason, just because I wanted to.
Thank you for being the best friend I could ever have.

I love you mom.

Happy mother’s day.

Always,
ME

P.S People its mothers day on the 10th of this month, don't forget to tell her you love her!

love letters # 3 - Thers no such place as far away.

Yesterday, while we watched the sunset and hoards of birds cloud the sky.
I fell in love.
Just like that.
We were both so quiet, lost in our own thoughts. I wondered who you were thinking about...
An ex-love maybe. I was so afraid to ask.
Our fingers were entwined and our eyes were busy making shapes out of clouds muffled in the reds and oranges of the evening sky.
At times I heard our hearts beat in unison like it was meant to be.
Did I skip a beat somewhere? Did you notice?
We sat there for hours while the moon rose and illuminated a milky sky.
Quiet and serene.
It was late and you had to leave. Perhaps forever.
“In the end, we all come back home” you said.
“Soon” I replied.
And just like that you were gone to a place far far away.

Always,
Me
P.S: Did I forget to mention, I love you.

Love letters # 2

Let’s take a small walk today,
In the backyard we don’t visit anymore.
Let’s not be lonely, let’s not be strangers.

Let’s wake up on the same side of the bed today.
Encircled and entangled.
Let’s sip our coffee and exchange fleeting, forgotten glances.
Today, just let our eyes talk.

Always,

Me