Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tuesday afternoon musings

I have been listening to ghazals all day today and there is one that I absolutely love.

Here are a couple of lines from it..

वो नए गिले वो शिकायते. वो मज़े मज़े की हिकायते
वो हर एक बात पे रूठना
तुम्हे याद हो, के न याद हो

वो जो हम में तुम में करार था
तुम्हे याद हो न याद हो.

You can listen to it here (this is not the version I have, but is nice too)

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Big memories, one small suitcase . Dubai musings - part 3

How do you package happiness into small cubes and fit them into a jar? Perhaps like a can of sardines.

How do you save love in the corners of your mind, to use later when it refuses to listen to the heart?

How do you dwell permanently within the innocence you return to after a long period of hopeless remorse?

I have been battling with these questions since a long time. The idea of a holiday was to sort my mind, find answers, and take a break from a life that was squeezing all my energies and reasons to believe in everything.

I didn’t do anything I planned to do - I didn’t read, I didn’t catch up with music or movies, I didn’t write as much as I would have wanted to, I didn’t meet half of the people I planned too, I didn’t even make it to the dessert safari.

But - I ate, I built a tower of overpowering happiness, I got pampered, I made new friends, I ate ice cream for breakfast, Sushi for lunch, I got thrown into mid air a hundred and fifty feet above the ground, I connected with the most integral part of my life - my family, my brother.

Unaware, I found answers. I didn't need to read or write. I just experienced.

I take a lot back with me.... And I leave an equal number behind.

1)I leave behind guilt. Guilt that had slowly crept inside, guilt that had steadily eaten my peace of mind.
Guilt about eating too much, guilt about loving too much, guilt about making people unhappy, sometimes making them too happy, guilt about not doing what I should be doing.
I leave guilt to rest in peace.
I cleanse and purify my soul and take it back with me.
I take back the belief that it’s ok to be a glutton sometimes, if it makes me happy. It’s ok to have enough love to share and give, it’s ok to not like someone and not pretend to do so. It’s ok to stop doing something you don’t like. It’s ok to take the risk to do something you actually like.

2)I leave behind hatred. I leave behind vengeance.

I have felt hate and I have been vengeful. But when you see a child innocently smiling at you, just because you smiled at them you realize that love is all there is.
Love is all there can be, and love is all there always will be.

3)I leave behind a person who is scared, who is unwilling to realize her own dreams.

I take with me a person who is as fearless as scared.

4)I leave behind selfishness

I take with me bonds and ties stronger than ever. I take with me feelings that I never felt. Feeling of Love and hope that you feel with the people you are connected with through existence.

5) I leave behind confusion

I take with me simple answers to complicated questions -
• How do you package happiness into small cubes and fit them into a jar? Perhaps like a can of sardines?

You live, enjoy, cherish each moment. You close your eyes and take a snapshot of every moment.

• How do you save love in the corners of your mind, to use later when it refuses to listen to the head?

You accept that love never fades, it changes form and when needed it takes the form you want. You understand that loved ones never go anywhere, they just get busy.
You love from the bottom of your heart, unconditionally everyone and everything you meet and see.

• How do you dwell permanently within the innocence you return to after a long period of hopeless remorse?

You let yourself be. You don’t force your soul to become something it is not. You understand that you are innocent and unique and always will be. No one can take away your soul from you; nothing can take away your purity.

I remember a day before I applied for the visa, I didn’t want to make this trip. I didn’t want to spend money. And my wise mother told me, “go and be reckless”.

Why are mothers always right? Why do they know everything before it even happens? It baffles me how they can know what you need most and when you need it most, maybe it’s a chocolate cake or soul soothing khichdi or just a hug.

I am glad I listen to my mother (sometimes) I am so glad I made this trip.

I can’t thank Anubhav enough for pampering me (something I always wanted him to do) and giving me my best holiday ever.

I’m packing and stuffing my small suitcase with a million memories, friends and experiences.

Somehow, it looks like a carton of sardines!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Dubai Musings – part 2

It has been seven days? Feels like forever. I have been soaking in each moment to the maximum that I can squeeze out of it.

The day seems longer, even though it begins at midday.

By now I have almost seen most of Dubai, I can claim I have done all the touristy things! Most of them have been done with a twist, like a cruise down the Dubai creek with the whole arba to ourselves. (Now there is a lot money can do anywhere in the world).

I believe it is best to behave like the locals when you are travelling. So I haven’t taken many pictures.
I feel I have always been here.

Have I mentioned Irish Village earlier? It now ranks number one on my favourite places list.
Amazing food, live music, open air and lots of beer. Anyone visiting Dubai must go there. It’s warm, homely and you will end up finding your kind there.

Oh ya, I did shop. I stuck to a budget and within that I bought 3 things. Moral of the story is that only when I’m ultra rich (or have not spent 40k on a new laptop the same month) is when I will come and shop in Dubai.
Its way to expensive when half the things are available at cotton on in Bombay!
So, I went into all the good stores, tried on the best clothes, admired myself in the fitting room mirror, felt happy and got out.

I am still obsessed with fruit yogurt and cherry is now my current hot favourite! I have to have one every morning.
I am not worrying about the calories, I cant. Food involves either steaks, icecreams or burgers.
Its just not my fault!!!

I have been living on Belgian chocolate at home and everyday having a huge Sunday at the Marble Slab Creamery or the Cold Slab Creamery.
Your mouth cant help but water when they beat the icecream on the marble slabs and mix it with all the things you can think of – m&m’s, choco chips, mars bars, nuts, fruits.
It is heaven on earth.

I have three days to live before its back to the grind. (more on that later)
An Ikea visit, perfume shopping and the Safari is pending.....
More of which will be in part 3 of Dubai Musings......

one step at a time

One step at a time
Look here and there
Let it seep
Be a sponge
Full and heavy
In your senses
Make memories
To look back
To savour
Just one step at a time.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Dubai Musings - Part 1

They say - when you are in love then everything seems perfect. I say, when you are happy then everyday and everything seems perfect forever.
You are happy when you are in love with yourself.

I had written about how I am going to start living and took a pledge to do that.

I have to admit, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
To start with, I did two things this month that I always wanted to do but never got down to doing them.

I bought my new laptop and I am traveling abroad. Finally!

I am having the best and probably the most memorable holiday, not because I am in a different country but because I am free of anything that holds me back.

I am mending, building and cherishing relationships. I am giving myself time to ‘not think’. I am doing new and interesting things every day.
Life couldn’t get better.

I don’t know how much I like Dubai, it’s kind of fake. There is too much to swallow, too much to handle.

There are something’s that I have fallen in love with about this place though. Listing them below –

•It is so clean!!! Despite the dust, sand and construction, the buildings are clean. The walls are clean.

•I love the petrol pumps. I love any place that can accommodate a Mc Donalds, Subway, Burger King and a Chinese restaurant along with a supermarket besides fuel and gas.

•The roads are beautiful, lined with the most beautiful flowers. You never see anyone gardening so I wonder when and how do they take care of them.

•I didn’t know I liked cars until I came here. I jump with the same excitement when I spot a Ferrari as I would have if I spotted the most beautiful shoes.

I am making sure I experience a new thing every day. In the past three days, Apart from other touristy things, I have done this –

•First international flight, an unforgettable experience with the immigration officials

•A trip to a water park with crazy rides

•Seen the highest point in the UAE

•A trip to a Sushi bar (I have fallen in love with Sushi)

•Finally learnt to eat with chopsticks (had no choice while eating sushi)

•Authentic Arabic food

It seems like I have been here forever. I am packing away lots of memories in the corners of my mind.
I have no plans for tomorrow and I love a life like that. A life I want to live every single day.

(P.S– more musings on Dubai to follow...)


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