Thursday, December 31, 2009

its fun to write with some vodka in your blood !!!!

So it’s officially 2010 now! This is my first post of the year and I am very high and happy so that means it’s a good start to the year.

I am just back from the New Year’s party that we had been planning since a week - Friends getting together, music, food and lots and lots of vodka.

Suddenly during the party I see my past walk in holding the key to my future.

After a while everyone is suddenly absorbed with either their better halves or someone they just found for the night and I am wondering (and believe me after 4 vodkas the power of wondering becomes 100% more acute) what am I doing here?

I have some wonderful friends there – friends I have made recently and some who have been there for a decade and I see them happy and I feel happy but I also feel something is missing.

There comes a time in life when you feel it’s just right to embark on a new journey. I look at the beautiful full moon tonight and it tells me that the time is now.

So I pick my bag and grab my jacket and leave.

Is change here? I don’t know, I don’t see it (wish I could though) but I feel its somewhere around, just waiting for me to discover it.

After so much hype about New Years(even on my own blog and numerous facebook updates, and the pains to look good, fit into the sexy dress and then not even get a picture taken : ( ) tomorrow will just be another day, time in itself does not know the difference between days and months and years.

Time just IS.

Tomorrow might be the day when a new job opportunity arrives or the person I meet on a flight is the person destiny sent for me (it’s a before sunrise, before sunset fantasy! – sexy, oh very sexy ethan hawke where are you?), tomorrow might be another party where I feel old and my feet ache and I vow never to party again till another weekend arrives with promises of a better party.

Tomorrow might just be MY day.

And until then, here’s wishing you a wonderful 2010 and a beautiful decade.

Live everyday like there’s no tomorrow because one day you will sit down and realize time just vanished. Life just went by, a decade zoomed by and you just flew along.....

Happy New Year and decade lovely people.

Love you all.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Cheers to that!

While I raise toasts to the year gone by and the year that we are going to embark on with highly philosophical undertones (read the last post here) I thought of listing down some snatches from the year gone by.

Happy times, memories that will last for a long time....

  • Falling in love, it’s beautiful for the time it does last. The butterflies in the stomach, the anticipation, the wait, the long conversations, coffee cups that get empty hour after hour, sunsets that have a whole different meaning, the little touch, the stolen glances, the queasy feeling, the way so many things are said without saying a word. Falling in love, it is beautiful. Falling out or breaking up is memorable in its own way. Suddenly there is a different queasiness, butterflies in the stomach like the ones you get during maths exams, words that never come out and just stay stuck in your head, eyes that never meet again to say anything else.Love in any form remains memorable for the extremeness it takes us to. And for that extremeness this year takes the cake.
  • Traveling abroad for the first time (does Nepal and setting one foot in Pakistan at the border count?!!) if someone tells me that it doesn’t excite them that they are setting foot abroad for the first time then I will laugh at their face because it’s a big lie. I don’t think there is anyone who hasn’t been super excited to land in another country, stare in awe at the swanky airport and exclaim, WTF under their breath. Anyhow, I exclaimed a big WTF when I entered an immigration window for the first time because I was troubled by Visa officers for some crap. All I could think at that time was this - ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’! LOL
  • Spending time with Reyankh, seeing him grow from a little tiny thing to a person that walks and kind of talks!                                                                                                                                                  I would look at him when he was around me and think that kids should never grow up. But every day I would wait for him to do something new. The day he painted his face with lipstick or when he painted all the walls in the house and we painted along with him remain memories that will last a lifetime. With him emerged three more children and one adult - My poor brother who spent time controlling the extravagance of affection towards our bundle of joy just so that he doesn't end up a brat (which mind you means utter rubbish when it comes to nephews and grandchildren, that advice is for other peoples naughty kids!)
  • Friends – losing some and gaining some. Some that grew with time and some that came and went like they never ever even were. 
  • Evenings at coffee day watching the world go by. And few evenings at Zen cafe(I just love that place)
  • Almost all the Saturday evenings this year spent at the farm! 
  • The night I got my tattoo
  • This time in Bombay when J and I sat on Bandstand for an hour and we hardly spoke, we just stared at the sea and some weird couples doing weird things! and then we laughed so hard that we cried
  • My weekend trips to Bombay which now always start with breakfast at JATC, a ritual of cheese omelets, bacon, sausages, waffles and coffee (BLISS)
  • An evening that was spent playing darkroom after 20 years!
  • The day I bought my short denim skirt, it was liberating in a way that requires another post to explain its depth 
  • Rediscovering painting out of the blue and making some awesome paintings!
  • The day the blog was compared to Tuesdays with Morrie, actually every time someone clicks on a ‘like’ button on my blog FB link or comments on the post it makes it memorable for me. (so please do this more often !)
  • Mastering the art of making Khow Suey, for which I remain the undisputable queen!
  • M’s wedding for several reasons – Chandigarh (a city I have come to adore), winter, re-discovering chai, the opulence of a Punjabi wedding which I miss in this city (the aunties and uncles, the rich food, the servants running around, marigold flowers, dholak and funny songs, the dancing, the drinking, the drinking, the drinking, the drinking !!!.... )
  • S and K’s wedding for making me remember that good things do happen. I have probably never been so happy for two people at the same time!
  • Christmas lunch for the realization of the beauty of friendship that evolves through so many different levels to become one that is held by strong hands of destiny and probably on some beautiful plane stays on forever
  • Painting my poster wall (which now is gone because we painted the whole house) :(
  • The day my bank account reached a desired figure, it’s not much but its mine. 
I know there’s probably so much more which I can’t remember right now. I would love to hear some snatches from the readers and what made this year memorable.

Write in and let me know, maybe I will remember some more!

Till then, as a very good friend signs off and I borrow this one from him, Cheers to life!

Monday, December 21, 2009

A toast to the 365 gone by and the 365 yet to come...

It’s been quite sometime that I updated the blog. I have been in a kind of slow state of mind. Numerous efforts of penning down thoughts have been wasted in vain. The end of the year generally does this to me. My time and thoughts move to contemplation of what has been, what could have been and what can be.

For me this year has been the year of acceptances and realizations.
Apart from what it has taught me, it has made me accept a lot about myself and people around. I have shifted from denial to reality through some bad and some good things that happened during the year.

  • I accepted to myself that everything has a shelf life including friendships.What you can do however is replenish them from time to time if you want to savor them as you grow older.

  • I accepted to myself that I am someone who will always love more than the love I will get back. I will always pour my heart out till I am completely empty; I will fall, hurt and be in pain but I will stand up again, heal my heart and move on.I learnt that I have an amazing capacity to love, and that’s just the way I am, so there’s no point changing that.

    • I accepted to myself that age is something I cannot run from. Each year I will look different, maybe a little older. I will not be able to do the things I did when I was twenty five; I will not be twenty five again. I will also never be twenty seven again so all I can do is cease the moment today.

      • I accepted to myself that bodies change with time. And so it is ok to throw out old clothes. They don’t need to hang in the closet with a hope of someday I will lose weight and wear them.

      • I accepted to myself that all fairytales don’t end up happily ever after. Sometimes fairytales don’t even happen the way you hoped they would.Prince charming won’t come on a white horse and sweep you off your feet; you might have to walk to him.

        • I accepted to myself that some fairytales do come true for certain people and with all the pure happiness I feel, it’s ok to feel a tad bit jealous.

        • I accepted to myself that I have been and I guess will always be confused of what I want out of life. I will change my career preferences, my cocktail preferences and color preferences as I grow up and as I realize that life has so much to offer.

        As the countdown to 2010 begins, I look back at the very long journey I have treaded and a longer one that lies ahead.
        I shed so much – I discard, wrap and throw some precious and a few unwanted things, relationships and ties that now just remain memories.
        I look at friends getting married and I wonder when did we grow up?
        I let go of old memories to make place for new ones.
        I know its time to move on.

        I wish for a better tomorrow and even though I know I might make the same mistakes again I pray for the courage and strength to endure them.
        I pray to find the ability to take risks and make changes without the fear of what lies ahead.

        Even though it flutters endlessly I pray that next year my soul finds an abode to settle.

        And to everyone who stumbles on this blog, I wish you lots of love and light.


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