Perfectly Lonely On Vacation

Being on a holiday alone means tons of time to contemplate and spend time with yourself.

I've realised in the past few days, even though I am a complete anti social city person, I rarely spend time by myself being idle - No television, no Internet all day. Just me and my thoughts.

Being by yourself in a new city, where you don't read or speak the language is a kind of meditation in itself. Thoughts come jumbled up first, there is confusion and sometimes a bit of loneliness. But this eases after a while... To reach a point where thoughts start flowing naturally. Real thoughts that one should be thinking. The idle Tuesday ones :) and you start loving your own company.

In the past few days I have stopped obsessing over my life, my work and my relationship. I have thought about life, thanked God for bringing me here, experiencing a different culture and people but I haven't obsessed about how and where my life is heading.

I haven't thought about work and the complexities of it and I haven't thought about my relationship in a negative way. I still miss it, when I see something interesting I miss sharing that with someone who might understand what I am feeling. But the feeling passes as soon as it comes.

I'm itching to write about these cities. Paris was lovely, everything written about it is hundred percent true and I guess I am certainly not the first one saying this! I am currently enjoying Barcelona. A stark contrast to Paris in every way but I am loving the rustic charm that this city has.

My days are filled with walking and observing. Sitting at a bar and sipping coffee, reading and watching the world go by.

The next thing anyone would expect me to say is that I want to do this forever.. But no... I can't wait to get back and start my life anew and fresh. Even if it is from scratch and with the basics... Just the fact it will be on my terms seems worthwhile enough.

Time

If I could turn back time I would. I would take away a lot of words (at least from my side) and replace them with something that would make more sense today.

I would, if I could turn back time, be smarter, stronger and more honest about what I wanted to no one but myself.

Today, I count back time to the good ones and the bad and I realize that I don’t cry for what could have and would have been. I cry for what I have lost.

It’s never easy to lose something. Perhaps the only folly in life we commit is being so attached to something that its going away can create a void that takes forever to fill.

As we grow up these tiny empty spaces in our hearts increase – The loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the death of someone who matters.  

We keep going back to wonder, what different we could have done, how we could have spent our time better – cherished, loved and soaked it all in. But time doesn’t go back.

The one option that remains is to move forward, the only way ahead - Hoping that someday, light will fill these empty spaces and somehow we will be healed.