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| Snapshots of this amazing year (Insta - @suitcasesandsnowglobes) |
For the first fifteen years of my life, I lived in a large, long
forgotten colonial home in a scarcely populated area of an average North Indian
City. With acres of land and a small fleet of help at our disposal, we did not have a concept of
neighbours and after school play dates. Once home from school, my brother and I
had to invent our own games like climbing trees and chasing animals to keep our
selves entertained.
When tired from running around the compound and bored with my
dolls, I would role-play my ideal adult life. I would sneak into my father’s
office and have important business discussions with empty chairs. Sometimes I
would sit inside our black Premier Padmini car and turn the wheel right and
left while having life altering conversations about Barbie Dolls with my
pretend family.
Once a week my brother and I would climb up the loft in our room,
get into life size trunks that smelled of mothballs and play spaceship. Even
though I never said it out loud, in my mind, I was on the moon already.
What a beautiful feeling it is when you truly believe that
everything is possible. The certainty, that in the tiny part of the universe
that we call our own, anything can be achieved.
In the universe that I inhabited during my growing up years, I
was everything I wanted to be but as it happens with each one of us, sooner or later, reality
entered my beautiful world. It started with being told that I was not good at
spelling. Then I was informed that I couldn’t
dodge the ball fast enough so basketball was not for me. Heartbreaks, interview
failures etc etc…The list of can’ts and don’ts kept
getting longer and deeper as the years flew by.
I took fewer risks and found a comfortable
spot that conformed to
what everyone else around me told me I could and could not do - believing it to
be true.
Over time, that little girl who believed in magic, got lost
somewhere in faded photographs.
Decades later, 2014, a year of extremes happened.
So exactly this time last year, in a fragile and extremely low
state of mind, I made myself a few promises and one of them was to find myself
again.
I made a list of everything I once wanted to do but never ended
up doing because I thought I wasn’t good enough. Considering I sucked at it
already, how much worse could it get?
In the book – Eat, Pray, Love, Ketut Liyer tells Liz, “Balance is not letting anybody
love you less than you love yourself.”
So I decided to take a quantum leap and shift focus on someone I
left behind long ago. The little girl who hid in trunks and danced without
music.
I had to find her again.
In the course of the year, I learned a new language, traveled to
places I hadn't thought of before, started to (actually) enjoy cooking, got my
health back on track, put my self out there to meet new people, made some amazing new
friends, entertained more, drank less, took a lot more challenges at work,
started saying NO if it wasn't good enough, went on a lot of first dates, spent
time figuring out what I wanted out of a relationship, tricked my body, tricked
fear and most importantly, learned to drive.
While I was learning new skills, something was changing at a
deeper level. I was falling in love.
A few weeks ago, I stood in the middle of the Beagle Channel in
silence. The only sounds around me were that of yawning sea lions and the
slight rocking of a wooden boat. I spread out my arms and took a deep breath of
the fresh Antarctic air into my lungs and smiled. 24,000 Kilometres away from
everything I own and people I know, I was alone but for the first time in years, I was with myself. I was in love again.
I knew then that I had found her. I had found balance.
2015 has been beautiful, blessed and a year about the most
important person in my universe – me.
I couldn't have done this without the ones who stood by me in the
past year and pushed me to be the best version of myself - you are my rocks.
Thank you.
And the one’s who led me to this journey. I can't thank you
enough.
As we step into another year together, I hope that you too will try and search for
that little girl/boy hiding
somewhere deep within you and do
everything in your power to chase the dreams she/he ever had.
I hope that you will fill each moment with more love and
happiness.
Happy 2016. Happy New Year.
Love and Light,
Me.
