Weekend Chronicles - 3 (from reel to real life)

 Another crazy weekend (more like a nonexistent one) leads to another post on the weekend. I have a strange feeling very soon the blog is going to be called the weekend chronicles! Tuesday thoughts now happen on Monday mornings!

I also feel the post format is changing. I have started writing more about myself (in person) which feels good (till now at least) that’s why the poems and articles are now interwoven with what is happening around me.
I don’t know what the people who follow and read the blog like – so let me know : )

Back to the crazy weekend...

I got my room clean and freshly painted with two RED walls on Friday evening!!! I was skeptical about the red but it looks super cool. I spent all of Saturday picking up, moving and arranging furniture. I have a new cupboard (but honestly still no space) believe me, am not hoarding, still there are just so many clothes!!

All of Sunday and till Monday morning we were shooting for a new TVC in Bombay. I came back in the morning and have slept all day. This explains the reason for a late night post.
Shoots are always fun and they give you a lot of time to think. I always wonder about the life of a junior artist in the film industry when I look at one at a shoot.
For one shot there were some 14 ‘extras’ ironically without whom the shot is incomplete so I wonder why they are called ‘extras’ in the first place. The sincerity in them is commendable. For a second of fame they give their 100%.

Fame is so important. Success is relative.

I am looking at a very gujju looking man in a very shiny bright suit being instructed by one of the assistant directors to stand/ then sit/ stand again. Obediently the ‘extra’ does as he is told. He is so scared that when he sits, he doesn’t remove the bag that’s lying on the chair. He adjusts. His eyes show such fear of losing the quarter second of screen presence (which might lead to his big break later) that he won’t take any chances.

Bombay – my city of dreams. There is not one person who comes to this city without a dream. A million ‘extras’ roam around this city each day trying to find their own route to fame.
Finally the model arrives (she is not very pretty in reality) but make-up transforms her. The lights make her beautiful and I can’t help but wonder and notice my own physical flaws. When I look at the model in the monitor all I can think of is my very fat nose. Because I know its make-up I can shun the thought of my fat nose after a second of self pity and laugh but the 14 ‘extras’ don’t. Each one has that hope and that dream in their eyes to someday be that ONE person in front of the camera.

Fame. Who doesn’t want it? Yet how many of us struggle day and night for that quarter second of screen presence?

Most of us just give up without a fight. Or we fight and then in time give up. Paulo Coehlo can keep writing about fighting for your dream and turning lead into gold but how many of us are real warriors and for how long can we be warriors?

We all have a tipping point, what do you do when you tip?

Sometimes we become ‘extras’ in our own personal lives. We are thrown out of the frame and all we can do is ‘adjust’.
The director is calling the shots and we don’t even know if in the final film we will ever show or were we there just to be a part of the crowd?

I am not being a pessimist here but I will agree that I am falling prey to the pitfalls of a thing called destiny.

I have come to realise that sometimes ‘your all’ is just not enough. Sometimes the ‘time’ is just not right. That you can keep trying again and again to make things right yet they will be stuck in an irksome limbo.

Every day is a struggle to move up from being the extra to the lead actor to finally someday the director.

Every day is a new role, a new act where someone else calls the shot.

Every day the lights change and with each layer of pancake a new mask appears.

Every day is a hope that it would be the day when fame would be right there for grabs.

Every day is a fight for maximum screen presence in a sepia toned frame.

Someday, maybe, somehow. 
Soon......

Bombay Meri Jaan !!!!

So I am back from a nice long weekend in the only city I call home – amchi Mumbai. : )

Each time I visit the city (since I left it the third time in 2007) it speaks to me.

Strange right, have you ever felt that a city/ a place can communicate with you?

Bombay does that with me.

I was very low of the ‘hope quotient’ when I arrived in Bombay this time. However it didn’t take me more than 2 hours to get back on my toes!

Hope comes from strange corners.

• Two of my favorite people got married (to each other) there were times of calmness and times of chaos; a wedding however small is a wedding after all.But at the end of the day when you stand back a take a look from two feet apart, the picture always appears flawless.The bride fell ill and the make up man played truant, but at the end of the day, when the bride and groom stood together it was a perfect picture.A hope fills around every wedding, a hope for perfection, a hope for something called love and a hope for togetherness. 

• I met a lot of old colleagues and friends at the wedding. I realized what I have been missing out on since the past two years.Advertising in India is defined by Bombay. Anywhere else, you are pretending to be in a make believe world of advertising.If you’ve been there once it doesn’t take two minutes to blend right back in. The booze is always flowing; the group is always the last to leave the party. In a two minute conversation you can talk of your career, the weather, Mayavati and who slept with whom.I miss the vibe, the zest and the passion that advertising is supposed to have and is very sadly only available in Bombay.

• I ended the weekend with a long brunch of sushi, dimsums and ice-cream and a stroll on Hill Road which I absolutely love doing! I have not yet found jeans that fit me right. I totally revolt against skinny jeans and skinny people. Despite the efforts at the gym the skinny jeans still make my legs look like barrels!To make up for the jeans fiasco and the fact that leaving Bombay always depresses me, I managed to make my last meal special with awesome roadside, hand dipped pani puri at Band Stand and whole wheat, extra juicy burgers at Gostana (I highly recommend this place to all my fellow foodies – its tucked in a small lane opposite the Bagel Shop in Bandra and makes the most scrumptious, juicy burgers ever)

  

 Love the blue colours and Jimi Hendrix posters


Bombay just makes me feel so much better about life.

There are clearly two kinds of people in the world for me – people who like Bombay and people who don’t.

I have no clue why the latter even stays in the city when they hate everything about it – The traffic, the rains, the crowds….

People who like Bombay however have a way of making their way around the twists and turns of the chaos.

I simple love the weird small things about Bombay – (Read more here and here)

• The look in everyone’s eyes – it varies from tired (in the local train) to lost (in traffic) to hope (while looking at the sea) to love (coochie cooing on Band stand rocks) to happy (when you buy the random book from a child at the traffic signal)
• There is so much emotion in every moment; most of us are busy criticizing the traffic to even notice that
• The fact that there is no distinction between proximity and space in this city
• More men than women stand outside Salman’s house hoping to catch a glimpse of his biceps.

I can’t wait to get back. It is difficult to live in this city – The rents are too steep, the slums sprawl at every nook and corner, commuting is a hassle.
But there is no other place where you can walk with a million people and yet be on your own.

Till I’m back..... my city, my love… Here’s to you!!

Cheers!!!!

Tu jaane na .....

Words that touched my heart and my soul... (to hear click here)

कैसे बताये क्यों तुझ को चाहें यारां बता न पाएं
बातें दिलों की देखो जो बाकी आखें तुझे समझाए
तू जाने ना, तू जाने ना

मिल के भी, हम ना मिले
तुमसे ना जाने क्यों
मीलों के है फासले
तुमसे ना जाने क्यों
अनजाने है सिलसिले
तुमसे ना जाने क्यों
सपने है पल्खों तलें
तुमसे ना जाने क्यों


निगाहों में देखो मेरी जो है बस गया
वो है मिलता तुमसे हुबहू
जाने तेरी आखें थी या बातें थी वजह
हुए तुम जो दिल की आरजू
तुम पास हो के भी
तुम आस हो के भी
एहसास हो के भी
अपने नहीं
ऐसे है हमको गिले
तुमसे ना जाने क्यों
मीलों के है फासले, तुमसे ना जाने क्यों

ख्यालों में लाखों बातें यूँ तो कह गया
बोला ना कुछ तेरे सामने
हुए न बेगाने भी तुम हो के और के
देखो तुम ना मेरे ही बने
अफ़सोस होता है
दिल भी यह रोता है
सपने संझोता है
पगला हुआ, सोचे यह
हम थे मिले उनसे ना जाने क्यों
मीलों के है फासले, तुम से न जाने क्यों.

Tusday musings - Drugged, random thoughs

In office on an idle Tuesday afternoon awaiting changes in layouts with a strong anti allergic in your blood, what do you do????

You pen down random, random, totally and utterly random thoughts….

Read on….

* I have the worst cold ever; all I can think of is hot chicken sweet corn soup. The kind in which lots of corn flour has been added and the egg looks like puke so you need to put lots and lots of soy sauce till the soup becomes black. Yes, that’s exactly what I am craving for.

*I am reading the Lost Symbol since a week and I can’t believe I have carried on a Dan Brown book for so long. It’s not a patch on The Da Vinci Code. He keeps repeating himself and goes on tangents that have no connection with the actual plot.Robert Langdon is weak. The sheer brilliance of him in the earlier books is gone. I think it’s the Tom Hanks effect; he was so lost in the film adaptations of The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons that his lose acting skills have rubbed off on the character here.

*I absolutely love the new Limca jingle.(can’t help much as it plays on everyone’s computers all day) Not very fond of the ad though. The first one was a master piece. The playfulness and twang (my word for a naughty/emotional/playful blend) of the Sushma Reddy one lacks here but the music as usual sticks.

*I have 340 friends on facebook and I talk to none. It’s a pity, social networking is supposed to bring you closer but I don’t see that happening.
I love checking out my news feed – status, pictures and links. I don’t remember the last time anyone wrote on my wall or I did on theirs.
Pity, sigh. : (

*I highly recommend watching Inglorious Basterds. Tarintino just gets better and better with every film he makes.
Call me a sadist but I love the way in which he displays blood. There is always such ruthless, raw elegance in each frame where anything to do with murder and blood is concerned.
Simply beautiful.

*I am trying very hard to rise up and forgive the inglorious bastards I know but it is not happening.
How long does this process take?
The one that involves – mistrust, betrayal, hurt, anger, damage – anger, anger, anger, pain, hurt, pain – letting go, forgetting, moving on…..
I am still on stage one and the spiritual pep talks are not helping.

*Spiritual pep talks remind me of Deepak Chopra on twitter. The man can talk. He tweets every second. My twitter page is full of his tweets.
Honestly, I fail to understand most of them because he blabbers too much.

*I am very touched by some sweet messages about the blog. (esp. Z and J) I am glad to bring a change and provoke thoughts which have been whiling away in your heads. But People please comment on the blog – don’t mail me/ sms me or comment on gtalk.
Some of the small pleasures in my life include reading the comments on the blog page     ( :- D )


*The air is changing and I love this city during these months. I must admit though that I am over this place now and the time has come to move on but the weather is making it so much more bearable.

The avil effect is kicking in and I’m high. : )

Its time to check some layouts and go home to my bed and pillow and sleeeeeeeeeep just to later wake up to hot, steaming soup.

Aaaaah, the very simple pleasures of being ill. : )

So until more random thoughts,

Sniff, sniff, cough, cough !!!

Cheers!

The weekend chronicles

Crazy week and a crazier weekend. Have lost and gained so much this week. The new post had to be on eye openers.... read on ...

:) :) :) 

Weekend revelation 1

I sit across the table from an unassuming gentleman in a tiny, pink tiled room and while he blabbers incoherent words in an ancient language I try to focus my attention on the wall pasted with numerous pictures of God’s and Goddesses. The smell of incense is thick and overpowers the aroma of bhetki being cooked in the neighbouring house.

I feel almost surreal. The man is reading out my future as the ancients have written it.

At one point, I almost laugh out loud. I can’t help but notice the irony of his predictions coinciding with recent events. That makes me want to laugh and tell him to shut up. I go on listening though, hoping that something he says will give me hope.

He sums up the session by telling me this is my last birth and therefore the reason for all the troubles, I need to clear my karmic debt to everything and everyone.

After that it’s simple bliss. Moksha.

This happened yesterday. A quiet, long rickshaw ride later, I came home and tried to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.

If someone spread out your entire life right in front of you in a mere sixty minutes, would you put up your hands and give in to destiny or would you fight and challenge it, simply to change it?

If this is my last birth and I don’t get another chance to experience and learn then I have wasted enough time.

There are still the Greek islands to discover, too much sushi left to eat, sky diving to be done......

Weekend revelation 2

There is not much you can do to ease pain. You need to let it sink in, slowly.

You need to wait for numbness to take over.

Things that make the heart ache are something like that too. You just have to believe, you have to see what stares at you with naked eyes. You have to let it engulf you till you are submerged in its powers and then you wait. You wait to forget. You wait for it to ebb.

Change happens in its due course. (Karmic debts I guess) and comes back a full cycle.

But sometimes what changes cannot be undone. Sometimes what you lose is lost forever.

Sometimes years of trust are broken in a brittle moment of truth.

Weekend revelation 3

Even if it’s momentarily, there is nothing that can’t be cured with a little Billo Rani and vodka.

I spent a couple of hours last night dancing on cheesy, cheap Hindi item numbers. Three vodka peg’s to forget that I am a horrible dancer.

Friends without any Karmic debts, just me and the stars..

Awesome.

Weekend revelation 3

As I write this, I am also watching qayamat se qayamat tak on TV.

In a weird, sort of crazy way watching this movie today makes me think of the past. The twenty seven years that have gone by.

This movie is eventful in a lot of ways – it is one of the first movies I watched on the big screen, the first time I fell in love (aamir khan) , the first time I cried for someone else (when they both die), the first time I thought of the concept of eternal love.

The weekend started with someone predicting the next thirty five years of my life and the weekend ends with a flashback.

I don’t have the guts to count what I have lost and what I have gained. I fear the losses might precede the gains.

So I let that be.

The past twenty seven years have been eventful, joyous, sad, happy all blended into one.

I suddenly realise that the astrologer hasn’t told me anything that I haven’t experienced.

The next thirty five are going to be eventful, joyous, sad and happy all blended into one.

I just might be smarter to live them with a smile.

Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla have just found abode in the middle of nowhere and they are happily singing a song....

I can’t help but fantasize about a similar situation. Eternal, crazy love, an abode in the middle of nowhere and fighting for who you love. Perfection.

And then soon after, the villains arrive and perfection dies.

A tear rolls down my cheek.... as always.

Remember cupcakes?

Remember when you were a child and a tray of freshly baked cupcakes was kept right in front of you. That moment when you looked at that tray and smelt the choco-cocoa, creamy, hot cakes was one where nothing else in the world mattered.

Everything you wanted and ever needed was right in front of your eyes. It was Hansel and Gretel in real life minus the witch. Everything after that would be happily ever after.

As grown-ups the cupcakes grew scantier and the often moments became once in a while.

Everything that was wanted and needed was not available on a tray, kept in front of your eyes to feast on.

You learnt to fight for a tiny piece, to cut ends for one single bite. You learnt to scram, save and struggle for your potion of happiness.

Cupcakes all of a sudden were compartmentalised. Cupcakes were not happiness on a tray anymore.

You needed to choose how big a bite of which cupcake you would eat.

And suddenly, you realised that you couldn't eat cupcakes anymore. Your body refused to take in anything remotely sugary.

Suddenly happily ever after seemed like a distant dream of hot, creamy cupcakes in a distant past.

Do you remember this happening to you?

The irony of love

Found this beautiful image on the net -

and then I found a longer version -

Happy New Day !!!

Inked, engraved and enlivened

Has it ever happened to you that you lose a part of yourself in the humdrum of life and then just like that, one fine day it all comes back. You are yourself all over again. Maybe for a moment or for a day but that feeling, the feeling of being whole again is the biggest high you can ever get.

Being impulsive, spontaneous and unplanned used to be natural for me.

Life and its expectations, me and my expectations from life, people, work, the stress of  always running late for work, heartbreaks and heartaches, the anxiety of becoming fat, the worry of failing, the sense of loss etc made me very guarded.

I don’t know when it exactly happened. That moment in which I trapped my carefree, artless, raw soul into walls I built for myself. I forgot that it was ok to be impulsive, to be free and to be myself.

My soul subjected to such torture, lay dormant. Too busy to even look at myself in the mirror I forgot about it being all alone behind deep, thick walls.

This whole deal of being guarded came with its perks; it made me feel old and made me anti-social.

None of this is my inherent nature but I played along

Fighting the world was enough; I didn’t have time to fight with myself.

This weekend after declining three invitations for dinners and parties, I was ready to sit at home, watch crappy Saturday night TV and aimlessly browse the internet. A friend kept insisting that I come and meet her and her boyfriend, whom I had never met. Having let her down so many times already I decided to make a short visit. One drink and I would get back home.

The conversation was interesting, I was drinking slowly and after meeting people I adore I was at ease.

My friend’s boyfriend happens to be a tattoo artist and the conversation obviously was revolving around that when I told him about the tattoo design I have been carrying around since forever but have never had the guts to get it done (it also happens to be significant in my to do before 30 list)

He came up with the idea of doing the tattoo right then. It was 1.30 in the morning. I was sane with only half a peg of whiskey and coke in my blood.

I have no idea what came over me, I don’t even remember thinking too much.

I agreed.

At 3.30 in the morning, I had my tattoo.

As each drop of ink pierced into my skin something else, somewhere evaporated.

Each prick of the needle pulled out a brick of the deep, thick wall and engraved my spirit that had suddenly woken up.

It wasn’t just about the tattoo or the symbol that means so much; it was about what the whole experience was doing to me.

Cho Ku Rei is a Reiki symbol. It indicates strength, power and energy with a direction.

What has always attracted me to this symbol is its meaning that all the energies of the universe reside at this point (where it is drawn)

People feel that it takes big events in life to wake one up from deep slumber. I believe that everyday there are moments which give you the choice to either wake up or lay dormant.

Impulsively, without much thought, getting the tattoo in the middle of the night, just like that was a moment for me.

A moment to wake up my soul and be alive again.

Tattoos always have a story and a reason behind them. My tattoo has given me a reason to look forward again.

With the universal energy engraved in me forever I doubt my soul will ever sleep again!

It is my new day, my happy new day.

And not to forget the tattoo -  immensely sexy! ;)

Note: The title credit for this post goes to my good friend A. I have read this as your status message since so long but Saturday night was an actual new day.

The credit for going through with this also goes to A and S, thanks for pushing me.

Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway

 People who know me well know for a fact how difficult it is for me to stick on.
I can’t stick.
I can’t stick to a career or to a job.
I can’t stick to a city or to people.

A lot of people feel I have commitment issues. I feel I just like to experience.

God however is naughty.
I think He/She likes to play with the naughty ones.
Ones like us.

Does it happen to you that you are faced with choices just when you have made a decision?
Does it often happen that you have set your mind to do something and be right and suddenly out of no where temptation appears?
You take a step to eat that cake and realize that you are leaving millions of chocolates behind?

I have often pondered on why I can’t stick.
I see everyone around me comfortable, settled in lives they have either succumbed to or are trying to settle into. Most of my peers are getting married, having babies, going places with their jobs and living content (I hope so) lives.

I have been one of those who have always wanted more. The kinds, who suck from the straw till the last moment and make ugly noises just to get the last bit of the strawberry milkshake.

The ones who feel no job was ever made good enough to exploit their talents. They have so many talents that they discover a new one everyday and then forget where they started from.

I am sure there are quite a number of ‘ones’ like me.
‘Ones’ with whom God plays mean, fun and naughty games.
Restless, twitchy, forever seeking souls.

Faced with life changing decisions at the moment, I have suddenly been gifted options.
I can choose.
I have been given the gift to choose.

And suddenly, I don’t want it.
I like the limbo, I like the chase and I like the unknown.
I like being almost,
I like being maybe,
I like being halfway.

Note : This post is inspired by the lyrics of the song - Miss Halfway by Anya Marina check them out here

Don't tempt me, Please!

(Photo from cartoon stock - Just to express how I feel!)

Not being able to buy a pair of jeans in my size (read here) and a bad stomach infection gave me the motivation to join an exercise class.

Now I am not a person built for gyms. I don’t find any pleasure running on the treadmill, staring outside the window and looking at passing traffic.

I also don’t find much pleasure in looking at brawny gym instructors bursting out of their tee shirts.

There isn’t much pleasure if you may please in picking up weights and making funny faces at yourself in the gym mirror.

While I was flirting with the idea of how I could lose weight, I ended up joining a few gyms, yoga classes’ et al. None of which lasted long enough.

Last week the weighing machine gave me the jitters. I now know how people who fret about their weight feel. It’s not just about the fat; it’s so much more –

* All the clothes I have in my wardrobe that I will not fit into anymore.

* The numerous others I will see hanging on pretty shelves and I won’t be able to pick up.

* The way chocolate mousse will scream the letters FAT in big, bold letters each time I will look at it and drool.

* The way I will feel each time Kareena Kapoor will show up in a movie or a magazine with her bloody size zero figure.

Shocked and shaken, I have now enrolled myself in a group exercise class.

My legs and arms haven’t stopped aching since the past three days. But there are some perks –

* The class is full of 18 year olds with so much energy. I feel old but I also feel the need to be young.

* The gym has awesome showers (does that matter, yes!!!) There are even hair dryers in the showers, fancy that!

* Just below the gym is Chocolate Room with all those awesome chocolates and Bikaner wala with piping hot jalebis, what better test for my will power can I ask for?

I am two classes old and I already feel thinner (at least in my mind)

I pray for motivation and strength to get through this.

I pray to all the cup cakes and chocolate mousses in the world, don’t tempt me. Please.

I miss so much !!!!! - Tuesday musings - 2

On idle Tuesdays afternoons like this I miss –

•Fruit plates at the Linterland office. That guilt - free something to eat during the 4pm hunger pang.

•Afternoon movies at Gaiety- Galaxy, anyone who lives in and around Bandra knows about the G7 multiplex. I miss watching movies with some old charm around them.
Wooden seats, air coolers, popcorn in packets and bottled cold drinks. Also unique to G7 is catching a glimpse of the Anil Kapoor look alike usher.

•Sleeping. Aimless, no reason afternoon sleep that later gives you a groggy head.

•The NCC canteen in Pune, where I have spent so many idle yet fun afternoons sipping Onjus and munching on wada pav which strangely only at the NCC canteen is served with delicious Sambhar.

•Long, sleepy edits at VideoKraft (an offline studio in Worli, Mumbai)

•The 15 minutes after school got over and there was so much energy outside the busses, at the cycle parking lot and the canteen. That’s when I caught a glimpse of the hottie I had a crush on. : )

•Shopping spree’s @ hill road.

•Burgers @ fast track at the NFC community centre market in Delhi. They were awesome especially while bunking boring 4 hour long radio classes.

•Unlimited beer buffets @ Sports bar.

•Sangrias and pasta @ out of the blue.

•Blueberry muffins @ the Bagel shop.

•Watching Bold and the Beautiful once in 6 months at 3 pm and catching up just where I left it.

•Day dreaming.

•Making travel plans to remote islands in the Mediterranean.

•And so much more…..

What do you miss? write in and let me know : )

Tuesday musings - 1

Today's blog of note features a very interesting blog - http://isledance.blogspot.com/

I found this amazing quote there -

"She was bold, and yet she was reserved. She was sensual and girlish, but she was never coy ... she projected ... a vitality and freshness ... demureness, that suggested ... she was in charge of herself and not to be had." - Paul Fees

Beautiful, isn't it?

a small journey

We met, we never spoke, we spoke, we became friends, we became best friends, we loved, we fought, we hated, we didn’t speak, we became aloof, we missed each other, we forgot each other, we met again, we fought, we hated our guts, we lost touch, we met yet again, we reminisced, we regretted, we became friends, we spoke, we became best friends, we met, we loved.

We, never left.

If I could learn ...

Balance

If I could learn just that I could be so much calmer.

Reason

If I could learn just that I could be so much more grounded.

Hope

If I could learn just that I could be so much more positive.

Love

If I could learn just that I could be so much happier.

I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder when we can’t please everyone why should we even try.

In order to please people we end up forgetting to please our self.

Is that a happy way to live?

We are born with relationships, relationships we don’t choose, relationships we are obliged and obligated to.

We end up making however through life, relationships that we base on our terms and conditions. Ones we can decide to keep or let go. There are no obligations to those.

The funny part is that throughout our lives we try to please those who are connected to us through a social norm we had no say in.

The funnier part is how much ever we try those are the people whose expectations we will never be able to fulfill.

Those are the people we will keep trying to please but somehow it will never ever be enough.

But we will still try,

Imperfections will become perfections.

Pride will be dead and ego gone.

And slowly we learn,

Life itself, at the end of the day was never our choice to begin with.

I need some answers

Even when you know there is nothing like plain black and vanilla white, why does grey become so comfortable?

Are coincidences planned to basically screw up all the plans you ever made?

Destiny is a comfort zone or is that the way it was always meant to be?

When suddenly everything is crystal clear in your gut and everything around you seems perfect why is it right then when you start questioning the perfection of it all?

Why are you scared to believe in your happy ending?

Back from awesomeness.

Some things that classify as awesomeness –

Splendid weather
Great company
Mutton cutlets
Fried bacon
Chilli vodkas
Long drives
Amusement parks

I’m back from my long weekend break to Bangalore. Renewed and refreshed.

I love Bangalore. It starts with the weather. You can’t help but be in a good mood. One doesn’t sweat, there is no scorching sun, you can walk… you can smell the breeze.. it just doesn’t get any better.

Bangalore over hyped airport though I must say is just too bloody far. It takes ages to get to the city which does have a traffic problem.

Apart from that, the traffic (thankfully I don’t drive) and the fact that everything shuts at 11pm which is a damper everything else about that city rocks.

So a couple of things we did - a day trip to Bhimeshwari, which is a fishing camp close to Bangalore. The drive was beautiful, lush green coconut trees, huge and brightly coloured god statues and not to forget shady looking eating places.

The second day we went to Wonderla, an amusement pack 25km from Bangalore. This is an ideal place to discover the lost child in you, unless of course your body has given up and you finish the day with a bad backache.

There is a cover charge – around 600 bucks per person with unlimited rides. So you need to spend sometime here.

The rides are super fun and crazy. You are tossed and turned while you scream and abuse.

It is the perfect outlet to release all your energies and pent up stuff. The maximum I can do its laugh and scream at the same time with eyes closed.

I could not eat much because of my crazy stomach, but I did live on liquids. What kind of a holiday is it when you don’t have beer at 10.30 in the morning? : )

We did go out to eat though – There is this interesting boutique restaurant called 100ft on the 100ft road. I love the way restaurants and stores have been blended into homes. The whole feeling is so quaint and charming.

Kosheys is again somewhat like Martins or Mondegar in Bombay. Select menu and classic food. The mutton cutlets are to die for. We got there for breakfast and stayed for around two hours. No one asked us to move or hovered around. It is a perfect place to relax and catch up with friends on a Sunday or a holiday morning.

Bangalore is definitely a city I would love to live in. next stop maybe??? Hmmm… that is some food for thought !

 Check out the pics below -

Crazy ride at wonderla

Awesome finger chips at 100ft 

The river at Bhimeshwari

spilt milk !!!

Isn’t it ironical that we only cry over things that gave us the most happiness at some point of time.
It makes it impossible to go back to that memory and relive the happy moment because the journey there means passing through the pain.

So you continue to be in a state of limbo you just don’t like.

Some ironies of this thing called life … I just can’t decipher.

I am back !!!!!!!!!!!

On 9 out of ten occasions when I look at the watch since the past two months the time is always in same numbers – 11:11, 13:13, 12:12

Someone once told me that it’s a sign of change coming your way.

But change never came.

So I changed.

Sometimes it takes several roller coaster rides for you to throw up. To clear your system, get over the queasy feeling and get ready for the next ride.

And now change is everywhere…

My first post after ages, the blog has a new look – pure and pristine.
Ideas are flowing and finally meeting logic.

My favourite quote (also at the end of the blog) says – “change, but slowly because direction is more important than speed.”

With a hint of direction and some hope I walk ahead.

The time on my watch is now 3.33.

Eerie, isn’t it?

Change is now.
Change is here.
Change is me.

I’m glad to be back.

That plain vanilla laughter...

Flying can be a hard task, especially when you don’t know how to land.

They say child is the father of man and a child today is teaching me more about life than anyone ever could.

Watching my one year old nephew giggle uncontrollably at nothing makes me wonder when was the last time I or anyone I know did that.

I miss plain vanilla laughter.

The one in which you laugh from your stomach, you can’t breathe and you feel the laughter will kill you.
The kind where every inch of your body laughs and you become all pink and purple.

Its not that we don’t laugh or have occasional fits of uncontrollable laughter, we just wait for reasons and instances to do that.

Most people I know and I included wait for opportunities to be happy. We live from weekend to weekend, holiday to holiday. We wait for the promotion, the hot date, the birthday, the breakup (reasons to get drunk and make a fool of your self) to FEEL.

So Rey walks around without a care in the world, smiling to himself and pleased by accomplishments like climbing a stair, shooing away an uninformed pigeon. And he’s happy.

There are times I watch him and I pray to myself that he sees an adulthood that’s perfect in everyway.
An adulthood that lets his innocence be a part of everything he does.

Adulthood used to be a milestone that we all couldn’t wait to cross. Our entry into the big, bad world. The big, bad world that we didn’t know at that time was actually a big, bad world.

ALONE

Masks

Jiska bhi chehra chila, andar se aur nikla......

Things that fit and things that dont!

Like every other person I know including the anorexic variety I too cannot sustain a ten minute conversation without talking about my or the other persons weight.
The conversation varies –

“How thin/fat (the expression of surprise is the same of course!) This top makes you look!”
“We shouldn’t eat this, look at the amount of cheese”
“I am going to start exercising tomorrow”
“OK, last time and then I’m on a diet”
“Look at her, how she can eat so much and be so thin!”
“I just haven’t found the right exercise for me”

Despite the same drab conversations day in and day out I have never really fretted about my weight. I just fantasize about how I used to look three years ago. I also earn enough to keep changing my wardrobe every six months. So I adapt.

Or so I thought.

Two years ago on New Years Eve in an expensive satin plunging neckline number I was congratulated on being pregnant. I thought empire necklines were for us, the ones who suddenly, out of the blue developed things called love handles.
Things that the boyfriend called something to hold and the friend called the onset of an era that has no return.
I didn’t know how to react to the drunk thirty something slob on calling me pregnant. I swore never to wear that dress again. Or anything that spelled empire line.

I was wrong of course, half of the clothes in my wardrobe are now empire line. The things called love handles have only increased and well, weren’t empire lines invented for fat pregnant women?

I was adapting. Changing and accepting till a couple of days back when I went to buy jeans.

Have I ever mentioned how difficult it is for Indian women to find a pair of jeans?
Do the jeans makers realize that Indian women are like amoeba? They change shape depending on age, clothes, time of the day and region (ever wondered why the north easterners are so bloody thin and us punjus are well…. Whatever!!)

So I browse through 15 shops on hill road and there is NOTHING in any one of those 15 stores that can fit a normal Indian woman.
The ones that are thin till the waist and then God just moved on to the next one and forgot to finish the remaining part.
What do these ones do???

I don’t know how to adapt anymore! People have started shying and calling me,-
‘Healthy and happy’ and started saying, “just don’t put on anymore weight, you’re perfect”.

I can’t change when the stores are flooded with skinny jeans meant for non existent anorexic women or very fat aunties who don’t have mirrors in their homes.

I can’t accept that I have crossed the thin line between thin and healthy. The very thin line that defines our daily lives, whether the day will be happy or sad, whether we will feel good or crappy.

Disappointed I sit in a rickshaw and go to linking road.
This street loves me. This street has shoe shops.
Shoes are loyal. They love me. They never make me feel crappy about eating that chocolate pastry.
They don’t want me to change, accept and adapt.
Shoes just fit.
Shoes let me indulge.
Shoes are my best friends; they are always there to tell me that despite what happens to my waist size, they will never change size.

And suddenly everything just seems better.

A couple of more reasons for ‘why I love Bombay’

•It gives me the MY feeling though I know it’s NOT mine.

•The party never ends even on a working day.

•Finding your kind of people is just so easy.

•At three in the morning the cab guy waits while you order and eat your kathi roll.

For more reasons look here

Abstract figure

Crossroads : eperimenting with textures

Impish bloody time.

Time is a great healer. How many times have we heard that cliché before?

Does time heal or does it just displace the hurt from the top of the pyramid to deep down below to a place that you don’t reach to often but what makes you stand strong and solid?

What it does give you is a sense of achievement over your own mundane battles that you try to fight each and every day. But that doesn’t mean the scars and wounds vanish?

Time is so impish. Playing games with us all the time.

Time makes us what they call indifferent and what we call numb.

And then, life happens.

colours....

love letter -17 - when 'i love you is not enough' (yes, she writes happy love letters too !!!)

I have tried to write a ‘love’ letter to you so many times, I start and after two lines everything seems clichéd everything seems less of what I would want to say to you.

What do you tell a person you love other than ‘I love you’? And what do you do when those three words fall short of what you really what to say?

You didn’t come into my life and sweep me off my feet. That was done by someone else. Someone who slipped and fell as swiftly as I caught my balance!
You however crept in slowly and quietly into my mind and secretly started stealing piece by piece... conversation by conversation, my heart.

You came into my life with a sly smile and twisted eyebrows, three lines of frowns defining your authority over everything you owned. The three lines that so often form when you are thinking or driving or just watching, me.

You have made me happy and you have made me cry. You have made me dance with joy and even made me sad. You have made me realise that I am capable of infinite amounts of love.

If I can’t tell you that every time I see you, my heart melts and at that exact moment there is only me and you in the world. And if I can’t tell you that when you’re not around, all I do is think of you and miss you but at the same time I know you are there with me for ever and ever.

What do I tell you if I can’t tell you ‘I love you’?

TO BE CONTINUED....

Kaminey

The song Kaminey is one of the best pieces of poetry I have heard in a long time.
it captures the essence of life so beautifully and in my favorite expression of life - Ironically !!!
The irony is ingrained in every word, how we live so selfishly and yet we chose to ignore it.
how we take everything in life for granted and keep wanting more from it.

Gulzar is at his best, he just gets better with age..!

Every time I listen to this song, I think of these lines ---

kaun rota hai kisi aur ki khatir? sab ko apni hi kisi baat pe rona aaya....

The song kaminey -

Kya karen zindigi, isko hum jo mile,
Iski jaan kha gaye, raat dil ke gile,
Meri aarzo kamini
Mere khwab bhi kaminey
Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzur bhi kaminey.

Kabhi zindigi se manga pinjre mein chand la do,
Kabhi laltern de ke kaha aasman pe tango
Jeene ke sab karine the hamesha se kaminey
Meri dastan kamini
Mere raste kaminey
Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzur bhi kaminey.

Jiska bhi chehra chila andar se aur nikla
Masoom sa kabootar na chat mor nikla
Kabhi hum kaminey nikle kabhi dosre kaminey
Meri dosti kamini
Mere yaar bhi kaminey
Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzur bhi kaminey.

Concentration

Dont leave home..

Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be
When it's just you and little me
Everything is clear and everything is new
So you won't be leaving will you?

Us. Love letter 16

I don’t know where I lost you, somewhere along the way. When did your hand slip out of mine?

I sit here watching the silence that grows deeper as something inside me hurts and dampens every corner of my heart.

I watch us, hung on tender hooks on dark, soiled walls. Fading slowly like old paintings, unclear smiling faces and blurred magic.

As I stare at you gazing into emptiness, a world you forbid me to enter. I struggle to keep alive all I have left of you, memories that are just mine, and mine to keep.

I remember times when you dropped by just without notice, the way it felt when our fingers touched for the first time. I can’t forget the way you stared at me with those eyes and only we knew what it meant.
Times when you remembered what I liked, what I didn’t and did just that. When you were there every time I needed you, I didn’t need to say a thing.

Where are you now?
Where are we?

Lost amongst a million reasons and rationales, in a sea of wordless contact of infinite emotions.
I see you standing there and you see me.
Static and still.

Passion - Lost in the complexity

Loss - the answers

Sometimes we feel an immense sense of loss. You feel that everything you have or can have is getting lost in the sands of time and space.
I asked myself, and these are the answers my soul gave to me.

What is mine and what is not?

Yours is nothing. You own nothing. You can only try to own what you feel. And you can feel love.

What am I going to take from here?

You take nothing, as you own nothing. There is nothing and no one you can hold on too except for yourself.

What do I do then? I am confused.

All you can strive to do is seek love, seek happiness. Hold it within yourself and spread it as far as you can. Happiness has a way of expanding; sorrow however only nibbles your soul slowly till you are crippled.

Loss

श्याम की भीनी खुशबू जो आई, एक नज़र पड़ी अपने हाथों पे
धीरे धीरे उनके बीच से निकल के गिर रहे थे, सारे सपने, सारी आशाएं. हलके हलके, टपक टपक.

हाथ खोले तो देखा,उनके बीच में कुछ नहीं था,पन्ने की तरह साफ़, मुझको टाक रहे थे.

पुछा मैंने उस खुदा से
कहाँ गया सब?
कहाँ खो दिया मैंने उसे
क्यों नहीं है अब कुछ मेरे पास?

हँस के बोला वो
किस पे रोंती है तू?

तेरा कभी कुछ था ही कहाँ?

So it is...

And so it is,
Just like it should be,
Goodbye, for now.

And so it is,
I’m still standing in the rain,
Watching you disappear
Into the thick mist,
Just like it had to be,
Goodbye, for now.

And so it is,
Alone in the night,
Singing the saga,
Of unrequited love,
Just like it would be,
Goodbye, for now.

Complexity

Can I open the doors to the perplexity,confusion,complexity.... the spirals of your mind?
Painted this today with a little inspiration from the internet. :-)

So. A love letter of sorts!

So swiftly she falls from the fenced corners of reason, deep into his arms.

So easily he picks her up from the depths of insanity, they might be on the verge of.

So smoothly they engulf each other as if they were one forever, broken up unnaturally.

So simply they talk, never with words, in a language they have invented.

So effortlessly they let loose, holding on though through invisible cords.

So eternally they live, amidst their own jigsaw puzzles. Yet always fitting together.

LL - 14 (the story of love letter # 2 continues)

Let’s forget what is and what is not.
Today, let’s not reason and explain.
Let us, bare all today.
Our thoughts starkly naked,
Today let passion lead the way.

Let’s forget what tomorrow might bring,
Today let us revel in pleasures infinite.
Let us, discover each other
Today in a whole new light.

Games - LL - 13

Don’t hide; I might not be able to find you. Why do you love playing this game, when you like changing your hiding place? I count and count and run to seek, Every time it’s a blank wall that I meet.

Life spins the bottle; you are as always, truthful, open and bare. I’m shy and timid and I don’t dare. I don’t dare to tell you, how I feel. You, blatantly honest, play fair.

I don’t want to play scramble anymore, where each letter is twisted and turned, where what we say is not what we mean. Where what we mean is often unheard.

As I sit here, waiting for something to happen.

Something to change and something to tickle the stillness around me, I wonder where and how the games we try to play have started playing me.

The eternal day-break

The placid river sits,
Silently as we stare,
Into the morning sun,
Rising unaware.

Fleets of humming birds,
Arise to a new day,
Soar into blue sheets,
Far far away.

The gentle breeze,
Caresses the dewy grass,
Naively swaying,
When through it we pass.

Time stands still,
For a moment, eternally.
My love, if this means forever,
Then let it just be.

I love everything Chinese!!!!!

Finally managed to do something with my coloured Ikea frames. Chinese symbols have always fascinated me. There is a lot of depth and mystery in them.
I took eight symbols that mean something to me and drew them -

Self Respect - That which I have ingrained in my blood!!
Faith - My faith in everything and everyone I believe in.
Angels - All of them, the invisible and the visible ones..
Lily - My favorite flower, my happy flower.
Friendship - Without which my world wouldn't be complete.
Forever - Because that is the most alluring concept of our existence.
Mystery - For all the mystery tomorrow holds,for what we live..
Love - Without which I wouldn't be complete.

Something’s make me happy, and something’s sad.

The HC decimalizes homosexuality!

Considering there are an estimated 70 million homosexuals in this country, considering that this is the country where AIDS is highly prevalent, considering that this is the country where gay sex is actually quite embedded in the culture and nevertheless considering we are a bunch of hypocritical, conceited, self righteous sheep. This is certainly a step towards evolving.

A priest on national television claims that gay sex is ‘unnatural’. Religion (especially Islam) condemns gay sex; other religions like Christianity are doing a favour by accepting them with respect. And to top it all, children from broken homes/single parents are likely to turn home sexual.

I am appalled at this man. Who decides what is natural and what is not? For a homosexual it is natural to love someone from the same sex. That is what his/her mind believes and knows is right. Anything else for them is unnatural. How does religion decide what is right? Religion after all is made by the society, for the society. It has no right to dictate a person’s sexual preferences. Why does a certain religion need to ‘accept’ another person? Aren’t we are all God’s children. I thought that’s what all religions propogated.

It is sad that in our country eunuchs are worshipped and ridiculed at the same time, Men can roam around holding hands (which other country would just let that pass by as ‘friendship’) and that is certainly the need for human touch that goes unfulfilled because if god forbid a man held a woman’s hand, he would be behind bars. Khujarao has sex all over its temples but using the word is taboo. The population booms, but we don’t accept that well, people have sex. Religion is politicised for everything – sex, money, power.

But it makes me happy that amidst all this there are some rays of home. Today is a happy day.

I am also happy for all the kids who are now hopefully going to have the choice to give their 10th board exams. I remember the kind of torture we went through. It was a nightmare, all the pressure and all the competition. I was a conscientious student and that is worse. You are forever worrying about the result and never learning anything truly. I don’t think I remember much of what I studied for my boards.
I have after all these years realised that education was crap. What I have learnt outside of my school and college while I was trying to get decent grades is what has educated me.

I didn’t need to know algebra to know how to stand up for myself at my work place or solve mysteries of nature and life. That my friend, life has taught me after a lot of failures and bad grades.

And I am still struggling.

From the list of things that make me sad are sad (read ‘losers’) people. And the fact that these losers are the ones who ass lick and work their way up in life. They nod to everything that comes their way.

You are awesome! – Nod
You are a fucking asshole! - Nod
Will you do this? – Nod
Will you not do this? – Nod
You idiot don’t you have a fucking spine? – confused up down, right left nod

Alas, the losers sadly end up taking the fatter pay cheques, the medals and the stars home. Idiots, like us crib, bitch and get home and sleep peacefully.

Something’s are happy and something’s are sad. Today was a happy sad day. I like being selflessly happy because of things I believe in being implemented around me.

I like today! : -)

Jo ho so ho....

I am bemused, mystified and dazzled all over again by Abida Parveen. Her songs, the poetry and her voice.

This one I have heard a million times and each time it relates to me in a different way.

Jo ho so ho.....

Apne aas paas dekh, zindagi har pal tumse yahi keh rahi hai..
Aaj thoda sa to jee le, jo ho so ho.


Check out the song here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqPlIdUQUbM And the lyrics below –

Ishq mein tere kohe gham
Sar pe liya, jo ho so ho,
Aish o nishate zindagi,
Chhor diya, jo ho so ho.
Ishq mein tere kohe gham.
Aqal ke madrase se uth,
Ishq ke mae-kade mein aa,
Jame fana o bekhudi,
Ab to piya, jo ho so ho.
Ishq mein tere kohe gham.
Hijr ki jo museebatein,
Arz ki uske rouh-barouh,
Naz o eda se muskura,
Kehne lega, jo ho so ho
Ishq mein tere kohe gham.
Hasti ke is saraab mein,
raat ke raat bass rahe,
Subhe adam huwa namood,
Paon utha, jo ho so ho.
Ishq mein tere kohe gham,
Jame fana o bekhudi,
Ab to piya, jo ho so ho.

Love letters - 12 (memory)

I don’t know you yet. Though there are times when I feel I know you. When I know what you will do next, what you will say, how you will say it.

There are those one in a million moments when I know that there is something bothering you, you have that frown, on the insides of your forehead that appears in your eyes. You are disturbed and you will not talk.

And then those flashes when in the middle of a conversation with people, our eyes meet for a split second that lasts a lifetime. And, everything is said. I know you are bored, I know you want to get out of there; probably you don’t even need me around.

There will be a time soon when we will start completing each other’s sentences. When I will not need to talk, and you will not need to pretend. We will communicate through silence. Through sighs and groans, through smiles and the raising and non raising of eyebrows.

I can feel it approaching.

And then when we are not around each other, we will linger in thoughts and silence. As if, it was always like this.

We will become a part of each other’s memory we might visit.

Memories fade. That scares me.

I don’t want you to fade....

Always,

Me

The eternality of eternalness

"what is it? My dear?"

"Ah, how can we bear it?"

"Bear what?"

"This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"

"We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world."

"And every day we shall have less. And then none."

"Would you rather, therefore, have nothing at all?"

"No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before and from which everything will run.
But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."


- A.S.Byatt, possession
(The time travelers wife)

ruk

हर तरफ हर जगह
फुदकता
घुमता
कभी मचलता
कभी बस कुछ पल ठहरता
कभी हल्का सा
कभी बहुत थक कर
एक भारीपन से रुक जाता
थोडा सा समझता
बहुत कुछ पूछता
एक मंज़र एक राह ढूंढता
चल पड़ा है किस गली किस डगर
न जानता न कोई इससे पहचानता
अपने रास्ते खुद चुनने
निकल पड़ा है यह
कहीं मुझसे आगे न निकल जाए
मेरे मन्न.. एक पल तोह ठहर जा

Soulmates-- or not? - love letter 11

Faraway in-between constellations of twinkling things,
Twisted and turned by endless eras of being,
Resides a me and dwells a you.
A ball of white, shinning and pretty we make,
Entwined in startling energy,
Engulfed into one another,
Bound by particles and molecules,
Pristine and unadulterated.

Unaware of a place remote
Where there is me and you.
Oblivious to each other,
In the humdrums of life,
Struggling to understand,
The deep questions that surround us.

Ignorant to the magic,
That binds us together in some distant universe
And leaves trails in this one...
Sparkling stardust
Powder white
Glitter confetti

Every time we pass by each other in the sea of millions

Everytime...

Numb. - Love letters -10

I wonder if this was meant to be so ephemeral. As I walk into a room full of strangers and catch your glance. I am numb.
I want to feel something but I am numb.
There is a part of me that wants to unlock, unravel something that’s somewhere deep in my heart.
There is another part that wants to scrape patches of harsh, brown wounds that are raw inside.
There is also a part of me that wants a jolt, wants to wake up from deep slumber.
Each part of me wants to feel.
Yet I am numb.

I have forgotten, I am forgetting.
As each moment passes swiftly,
Dreams, smiles, and tears.

I want to relive. Just for a moment, the intensity of the pain.
I am numb.

Transient it is, the beauty and malice of love.
Truth, a flash before my eyes,
Reality, not of what is. But what always has been.
Forever is just a concept.
Forever is eternally ephemeral.

I am numb.
Probably forever..

Is this the way to be??!! Love letter - 9

No notice, no announcement
Tiptoeing slowly into the mundaneness of my life,
Is this the way to be?

Dropping me into the web of cross connections,
In-between right and wrong, reality and fantasy
Is this the way to be?

Hearing what I never say. Talking without words,
Touching with just your eyes,
Is this the way to be?

Let it be .....

Flowing like the soft river
Calm and slow
No reason, no rationale
Unspoken, unaware
Touching the periphery of justification
But never overflowing

Let it be....

The world as I see it - an essay by Albert Einstein.

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...

"I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.

"My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude..."
"My political ideal is democracy. Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized. It is an irony of fate that I myself have been the recipient of excessive admiration and reverence from my fellow-beings, through no fault, and no merit, of my own. The cause of this may well be the desire, unattainable for many, to understand the few ideas to which I have with my feeble powers attained through ceaseless struggle. I am quite aware that for any organization to reach its goals, one man must do the thinking and directing and generally bear the responsibility. But the led must not be coerced, they must be able to choose their leader. In my opinion, an autocratic system of coercion soon degenerates; force attracts men of low morality... The really valuable thing in the pageant of human life seems to me not the political state, but the creative, sentient individual, the personality; it alone creates the noble and the sublime, while the herd as such remains dull in thought and dull in feeling.

"This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of herd life, the military system, which I abhor... This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!

"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man... I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature."

Albert Einstein